Category: searching

Look up or look down

Look up or look down

Look up or look down: that is the quest

Should I be present or look ahead at the future?

When faced with life’s challenges, when is it best to keep your head down, taking one step at a time, or look up and see where you are headed?

When to look up or look down:

 

Look down

Look down when you are at the starting point of a long climb up a mountain, only to look ahead to keep an eye on the path.

Look down when you have lost a loved one and are consumed by sadness, when it feels there is no end in sight to your grief.  Take each day one at a time.

Look down when what appears to be an insurmountable task, such as shoveling a long drive after a blizzard or the cleaning of a house after a party. Looking up only exacerbates the exhaustion of the task.

Look down when recovering from an addiction; take one-day-at-a-time, to look ahead at a life without that thing is too daunting in early recovery.

Look down if your days have become dull, take each day separately, and be careful to look towards weekend or holidays for a respite, as you will miss the hidden jewels amidst the monotony.

Look down if your moods are tired, anxious and depressed, there is no need to try and push these moods away, looking ahead will only intensify the power of them, they too will pass.

Look down if you are unsure of what your future will look like; allow your future to unfold gradually.

 

Look up

Look up when running a sprint and can see the finish line in the distance, look at where you need to be to win the race.

Look up as you approach the end of a long arduous feat; see how far you have left and how close you are to achieving it.

Look up when you are in the planning stage of something, look at what it is you are striving for; look at the cake finished, the business successful, the book complete, the wedding dance, the baby sleeping, then look down to start creating.

Look up when motivation and focus is waning, look at where it is you want to be, as your energy restores you can get back on track.

There is no right or wrong way to cope with life’s challenges; it is a personal choice.

Looking ahead and taking things a step at a time depends on what the situation is and you knowing what is best for you.

By being in tune with your emotions and body, you will know deep within which choice to make.

So to look up or down, depends on you.

If you are tired and overwhelmed, or your challenge appears too big or ambiguous, like a loss of someone, or you have no idea of what the future will look like? These are times for looking down.

If it is obvious what you want, you can taste and see it within a short distance, then look up, keep looking up until you get it.

If you have a goal you wish to achieve, you may look up to maintain your momentum, but then look down, as there will be steps along the way. This is the time when both strategies are beneficial.

 

In answering the question, should I look up or look down?

As quoted by William Shakespeare:

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Do what feels right for you at that moment in time, not what you are being told to do, or what you think what you should be doing.

It is your life, your challenge and your decision.

That is the answer!

To have or to hold

to have or to hold

To Have is to grasp, to attach, to fear losing and if lost, you will be lost.

To Hold is to embrace, in your hands, your heart, your arms and if lost, you will be sad, but still whole.

Having is possessive, powerful and wrought with jealousy.

Holding is loving, liberating and free from anxiety.

To Have is to clutch tight to loved ones, jobs, homes, possessions, where peace can never be realised, nothing remains the same.

To Hold is to live with an open mind, liberated, without judgment, where we find peace.

Having is eating swiftly and living intensely, in case time runs out.

Holding is moving and sitting with ease, knowing each moment is precious.

To Have is desperate, angry and unloving.

To Hold is sweet, soft and delicious.

To Have or to Hold?

You decide.

 

Recipe for Having or Holding:

Take a pebble, place it in your hand, and turn your palm towards the ground.

To prevent the pebble from falling, you have to close your grip, hold tightly.

Over time your hand will tire, your fingers will ache. Eventually you will have to turn your hand around with the palm facing upwards.

Now open your fingers, see the pebble remains, but without the tension.

You are holding the pebble with an open, relaxed hand.

Notice the physical difference between Having and Holding.

To Have, creates tension and stress, to Hold is relaxing and peaceful.

To Hold allows you have the things you want in your life without being consumed by them.

Is it time for you to open your hand and release the grasp of some things in your life?

Now play the video

 

Is it right?

Is it right?Is it right?

Right or wrong

Should I or shouldn’t I

What if it isn’t right?

How would I know unless I try?

Will I regret?

Is it my gut or fear guiding me?

These are the commonplace questions we ask ourselves in the midst of a decision.

How do you know, if it is right?

What is the difference between gut instinct and nerves?

If your gut is advising you to not take the risk, then listen to it, if it is your nerves, take the leap anyway.

It is difficult to differentiate between the two in a time of complex decisions, such as; getting married, having a baby, buying a house, accepting a new job…

How do you know for sure?

The answer is simple, you don’t!

Nothing is for sure.

All you know is how you feel after you make the decision; there is a period of adjustment, most eventually adjust.

Once adjusted, then you can reflect on the decision.

If it was the wrong decision you will know with time, yet isn’t that what life is all about, taking chances.

Mistakes do happen, though that is part of growth and being alive.

In answering the question, ‘is it right?’

All you can do is turn inward and listen to the non-verbal cues within.

Try my ‘ Checking In’ 5 minute audio meditation here

New beginnings

New beginningsNew Beginnings

Starting of a new year, the birth of a baby, a marriage, a new home, a divorce, a new job or a loss of one, a death, a recently diagnosed illness…

All of these, whether, considered positive or negative, are new beginnings.

They take you from where you had been, the familiar, the known… to a place you have never touched, and a place full of hopes, dreams, fears or sadness. It is impossible to predict how you will experience this new beginning, whether it will come with ease or great difficulty.

Preparing yourself for the outcome of a new beginning by planning, creating expectations or a figurative spread sheet of what may likely occur, will only leave you more lost and confused.

These events are called new beginnings, because they are new, not old, they have never have been tried and tested before. Even if you have been married or had a baby before, the next time will never be exactly like the first. Your new home or lover cannot possibly replicate the one before. A death of a loved one takes on different shapes and forms from previous losses. If you fall ill your experience cannot compare to other’s who have the same diagnosis.

Your New Beginnings are yours alone, no one else’s.

Too many of your resources are expended on trying to predict the future that leaving little energy left to allow the new beginning to take shape gradually.

Gradually is the key word in coping with life’s New Beginnings.

Since there is no way of knowing the outcome of anything in life, then you can only take it moment-by-moment or day-by-day.

Practice approaching each day as a New Beginning, despite routines appearing not to waver, look upon it as a fresh start with curious eyes, this will dissipate the fears of the unknown and allow the emotional baggage of the previous day to slowly fade away.

Become curious, curiosity removes the fear and heaviness from what you are going through, no matter how painful it may be.

By starting with the day, it is much easier to approach more challenging situations with grace and patience.

Start the day with 3 deep breaths in front of your mirror with a mantra of your choice perhaps “today is a new beginning”

Stepping out

Stepping out

Stepping out

Here’s the dilemma: Do you ever sit on the fence; struggle to make a decision, pontificate; decide not to decide?

Whilst I was skimming on line one day, I came upon this advertisement: a young girl, cute skirt, fashionable green Wellies with a bright orange cuff, I was sold.

I could do that, that’s me of course, drawn towards the ‘buy now’, stepping into the image, I had to buy, don’t we get sucked into the hype?

The order arrived; I liked them, especially the feel. The problem is, I am not sure if I can wear them outside?

Do I want to be seen in green Wellies with a bright orange cuff?

Why? Well because I have never worn green Wellies, with a bright orange cuff. If I wear them, I have to keep them. I would then be stuck with the boots.

See, these Wellies are not within my shoe comfort zone, they are unusual. I know deep down inside that boring black may have been best, safe, comfortable, secure, but still boring.

So I’m stuck; trapped, an inner turmoil. Do I or don’t I wear them?

It sounds ridiculous, when there are bigger problems in the world. I am embarrassed to admit.

Some may say just wear the boots, step out into the risk zone. Others may say send them back. Replace with the safety of a black pair.

But the boots are a metaphor for any decision we are confronted with, whether it be, relationships, children, a new home, changing a job…

How do we know we want these things if we do not give it a go?

When faced with a decision.

Ask yourself should you step out and go for it. Do you straddle the doorframe, hover not venture out or decide to not risk at all, play safe?

Perhaps it is time for you to step out?

Sticking with it

stickingSticking with it

Do you ever question, whether you should keep persevering or give up?

It could be anything… your job, exercising, writing, painting, losing weight, meditating, reading, nurturing a relationship, cleaning your bathroom…maybe life itself.

The list is endless.

Most of us start out bursting with enthusiasm when we decide to set a challenge for ourselves; it appears doable at the time.

Then the energy begins to vacillate, rocking between keeping going or stopping.

This is the point when the mind dominates the decision. The mind steps in with its ‘know it all attitude’; ready to deconstruct what you have accomplished thus far.

Minds are powerful, dictators who hover like vultures until enthusiasm diminishes.

See, the mind cannot compete easily with passion, so it waits to pounce when the excitement depletes, this is when you are the most vulnerable for giving up.

You can recall an instance when you were exercising, perhaps holding a plank, and when it became uncomfortable you collapsed to the ground.

I would venture to guess, you could have held it a little longer, but Mr. Mind caught you in a vulnerable state and convinced you to give up.

There is a bully in your mind; he does not want you to succeed, if you succeed then he can’t control you, he loses footing.

He is set on maintaining the status quo, growth and exploration threatens the minds position. It sounds like I am describing a cartoon, though the mind has a role, and that role is to keep you out of harms way, a change of routine places you in a precarious state called, the unknown.

The mind dislikes the unknown.

How then do you stick with something that is creating such friction in the mind?

The answer is simple.

Listen into your body it will guide you – the area just below your naval, the naval centre, this is the centre of your being, soul whatever you want to call it.

When you notice that you are falling off the wagon and that you are close to or have given up.

Stop!

Dig deep into your naval centre and ask for help.

Understand, the body wants and knows what is best for you. What you are capable of. When to stop and when to continue on.

Next time your enthusiasm wanes, breathe deep into your heart and ask your body to inform you when it is time. Wait for answer to emerge.

Try my Self Enquiry Technique (SET). It goes like this:

  1. Pause – breathe into your heart space with one deep breath.
  2. Ask – the body “Help me decide”
  3. Wait – ,allow the question to sink deep
  4. Listen – the answer will arise from within.

Letter to my children

childrenA letter to my children.

Dear children,

You both are struggling together with that age-old question, ‘what should I do with my life?’

It is not an easy question to answer for anyone.

As a parent and a human being, I too struggle with this question; when I think I know the answer, out of the blue something changes.

I know there are too many career choices today; with new one’s emerging all the time.

I understand how daunting it must feel for both of you.

What advice can I give you?

I suggest you stop trying so hard to answer the question. If you rely exclusively on the logical mind, you will be forever trapped in concentric circles, lost and frustrated

The mind will help you, though you need a seed of an idea first.

The seed is deep within you, hidden, but often blatantly obvious.

The seed waits patiently, until you have a feeling, this feeling can be powerful or subtle, quietly nudging you, either way, we all have these seeds within us.

The seed triggers an urge to search, to dig deeper, revealing a curiosity, through curiosity you venture out and explore.

Searching is the process of uncovering what it is you want.

I know searching can be frustrating because it does not answer the question, it only guides you to the answer.

Remember those cakes we made when you were young.

All the ingredients we needed to make the cake, without them there was no cake. Unless you bought the cake already made.

Remember the satisfaction in making the cake from scratch, mixing all the ingredients with your bare hands, prepared with love, the effort and discipline involved.

In the same way your search, is a bit like gathering and blending the ingredients of the cake. It is the route to revealing the answer to your question of what you want to do with your life?

The search is more significant than the answer, when the answer appears, it will be taste Oh, so, much sweeter.

So dear children, please be patient, continue the search, trusting that the answers will eventually come. There is no rush, just enjoy the search.

Love Mom.

Struggles

struggle

During my Sunday boxing class, our trainer, Jay, looked at me and repeated twice, “strength is in the struggle”.

Punching with all my might, wincing through the discomfort, longing for the session to be over.

The words gave me little comfort in the moment, it wasn’t until after the class, I was able to sit back and reflect.

Then relaxed, my body feels strong, alert from the morning class, the sweat, discomfort and fatigue, only a distant memory.

Relaxed it’s easier to resonate with those inspirational words.

In the midst of a struggle, it’s difficult to see the wood for the trees. All you can see is the suffering.

Only later, you recognize the value of struggle; when it all makes sense.

Strength comes from persevering through the struggles, coming out the other end, with the knowledge that you can overcome pretty much anything.

Struggles help us to get to know ourselves better.

Struggles stimulate personal growth: they help to feed the soul, boost self-confidence, strengthen our resolve, teach empathy, humble us, leaving a greater respect for yourself and others.

In fact our life stories emanate from our struggles; it’s how to connect with others, and their struggles.

Whether you are in the midst of a struggle, or have come through a struggle, see them for what they are:

An opportunity to grow and reveal your “inner strength”.

 

Are your eyes open?

eyesopenDo you see the beauty in front of you?

A child in your arms?

A lover/companion who sits beside you holding your hand?

A sunset/sunrise that paints the skies with pink and purple hues?

A white sheet blowing in the breeze?

Are your eyes open?

To a moment of joy?

To a word which is spoken that touches you deep within?

To a parent whose eyes are saddened as they leave you?

To someone who is suffering, eyes reddened with crying?

Are your eyes open?

To your inner essence?

To your own need to heal?

Your capacity to love and create?

To being more than a spectator, but engaging in your life?

Seeing your possibilities?

Are your eyes open?

To the fact that you are more, than that?

You are powerful, whimsical, and remarkable?

Open your eyes.

Seeing happens when you rest, when you stop doing and rushing.

Seeing happens after a period of creating and then pausing and staring in wonderment.

Seeing happens when you give permission to just be.

Are your eyes open?

Try my FREE ‘Seeing with your eyes open 3 minute meditation

NEW Video Course on Meditation coming soon

 

Less is more

Less

Growing up in a society where more is best:

The more you have… the bigger the house… the more gadgets… the most amount of clothes… shoes… bags… more you travel… more friends… larger family… more to do…days filled… more food… bigger portions… more success…more choices… more words…

More, more and more.

So here we are in ‘The Land of More’, where has this gotten us?

Stressed, spiritually empty, tired, overwhelmed, and obsessed, over thinking, no time to sit and stare, and no room for contemplation…

Our mind reflects our external world, if more is the theme, then the mind speeds up and creates the pace required to live in ‘The Land of More’.

With more things and keeping ourselves too busy, our mind is fuelled to keep up.

What is the problem?

Simple, if you want to feel stressed then remain of ‘The Land of More’, or you can choose to feel at peace and at ease living with less.

Children and animals know this instinctively, they need very little to be happy; it is the grownups that have perpetuated this addiction to more.

Take a moment and imagine having less… less things to do… time for quiet… a few items of clothes to choose from… fewer things… no clutter… there is time to be listened to…the grass can be felt under your bare feet… you taste your food…breathe consciously…

With less, you have cleared a path for your imagination to spark and for life to have more meaning, beyond the busyness.

Take some time to think about how you can create less in your life.

RJMindbody

RJMindbody