Category: Listening

Oct 8, 2017

Enough

enoughDo you ever get to a point enough is enough? You are at your wit’s end, hanging on for dear life, never again… Enough!!!

Enough anger, enough violence, enough busyness, enough dishes, dirt, washing…

Enough of the negative news, stuff, talking, crying, working, thinking…

When we reach a boiling point, head throbbing, hands wringing, skin flushed, eyes glaring.

Enough is a powerful moment to reach the earth seems to stop spinning, a flash of revolt where the next course of action appears as clear as day.

Catching enough is easy; it is the holding onto it, which is the difficult part.

Reaching such a potent place can be the beginnings of a major transformation, but only if you can hold onto it.

Keeping your hand on the pulse of enough proves to be challenging as the vibrations relax into “I can deal with it”, “it’s ok, I can manage”, or it’s not so bad”.

Or your attention shifts elsewhere.

It is expected that the vitality of these moments will wane and eventually drift away into oblivion.

Until it happens again

Then enough is enough, no more, something has to change returns with a vengeance stronger than before.

Until with time the rhythm softens again, the cycle repeats

When is enough finally enough?

How can you capture and hold onto this feeling to bring about long lasting change rather than having to relive it again and again?

Transformation happens when you take the energy and carry it forward, walk with it, run with it, wrap your fingers around it and hold onto it for dear life.

Letting it fizzle out depletes the very energy that is necessary to change the situation.

Hold on; move forward with ease and a purpose, not out of a reaction.

Then change will happen.

 

Recipe: Enough meditation

When you have reached a point where you have had enough, rather than immediately reacting, close your eyes.

Take 3 deep belly breathes, observe your breath as it enters you and leaves you.

As your nervous system calms down, ask yourself, “how can I maintain this momentum”, without impulsivity and overreacting.

Stay with the breath and the emotions that are bubbling up for you.

Ask yourself, “What is my first step?”

Note the ideas, which come up for you.

Slowly open your eyes and jot down some ideas on a piece of paper.

Take one step at a time and make sure you do something towards addressing the problem.

Then change happens!

Discover how to make changes in your life with my Mindfulness Course which starts Wed 11th 7.00-8.15 for 8 weeks. 2 places still left. Call 07742 139 872 now to discuss.

What is living?

What is living?What is living?

Living to live

Sitting to sit

Drinking to drink

Being present with the very task you are performing, cultivates peace, this is living.

Sleeping to sleep

Writing to write

Washing dishes to wash dishes

Remaining in that one place, absorbed in one thing, enriches ones daily life, this is living.

Meditating to meditate

Eating to eat

Cooking to cook

Cherishing a moment in time, unhurried with quiet stillness is the ultimate love affair with life, this is living.

Listening to listen

Reading to read

Making love to make love

Discovering the rhythm of life’s subtle moments, handed to you without expecting anything in return, this is living.

Praying to pray

Kissing to kiss

Painting to paint

Pondering what Is, lightens the burden of what might be or what was, this is living.

Resting to rest

Observing with undefended, attention brightens the soul and creates a space for novelty, this is living.

Walking to walk

Laughing to laugh

Stroking the timelessness of Now moments arouses pleasure, beyond any pleasure ever felt, this is living.

Selecting the most delectable fruits, with watchful eyes seeing all the combinations, sniffing and touching until the basket is full, this is living.

Working to work

Crying to cry

Cuddling to cuddle

Basking in the reassurance of not having to do anything or go anywhere, nonchalantly settling into a space in time, this is living.

Enchanted by the ant meandering across your path, with no inclination to harm or touch, just witnessing the vulnerability and strength in your presence, this is living.

Contemplating your feet, well worn and rife with fatigue sitting before you in all their glory, proud to have served you that day, this is living.

Living for the now, the moment, for the present, sustaining your attention on the task at hand, this is living.

Being present to be present is the solution to all your woes, being present to it all, whether it hurts, pleases or is noiseless, this is living.

Faith in the power of now, with its enchanted depths of mystical wisdom, this is living.

Living to live

 

Recipe: Living to live Meditation

Choose a task, any task, no matter how mundane or simple, easier to begin with simplicity.

It could be washing the dishes, filling a pot with water, bathing your feet, putting cream on your face, hanging or folding clothes, brushing your teeth, choose one task.

Take a deep breath and remain present with that task, if your mind wanders off, draw your mind back to the task at hand.

Notice it all, if you chose washing dishes; notice the soap, your hands, the sponge, the plate, the temperature of the water, the change in the color of water as you wash.

Be kind to yourself, your thoughts will inevitably creep in due to the monotony, though the challenge is to keep drawing your mind back to the task at hand.

Stay or go?

stay or go?

Should I go or should I stay?

Do you know when to throw in the towel? To acknowledge it is time to move on?

If you do decide to do so, are you a quitter, a failure who runs away from things when times are tough?

When is it right to stop and walk away?

Where should you look for guidance?

It might be as simple as you are looking in the wrong direction, outside, rather than inside.

The outside compares you to others, whose lives are in no way yours, setting norms and judging what you think you should be doing.

If you confess to the outside that you are finished, the outside will offer contradictory views, such as, ‘keep going’, ‘don’t quit’, ‘wait it out’ or ‘stop while you are ahead’, ‘you’ve done your best’.

What do you do with the outside response, other than pick the one that endorses your decision, or feel confused and stay put?

The only way to know is to turn inside, deep within, where there is often no obvious answer, yet it is there?

As when checking an egg, you don’t know if it is done until you poke a fork into it. You need to go inside when making big decisions about staying put or letting go.

Be aware you will not get the emphatic advice as you would get from the outside, this is why you keep looking outside, it deceives you into believing it knows what it is talking about.

But does is it really?

Loud and flamboyant is the outside voice. Yes, it is sexy and catches your attention.

Soft and quiet is the inside voice, speaking in our dreams, feelings, sensations and whispers.

Who do you listen to when seeking help, most likely the one who speaks with conviction, not the delicate voice sitting inside?

It takes a great deal of patience to listen inside, requiring stillness, quiet and waiting. The answer is not as immediate as the outside voice, yet the inside voice knows, because it is in you.

It knows because it lives inside of you, whether you like it or not, it is you.

So why would you search for an answer outside, without first checking inside?

Crazy as it may sound, check inside, wait and listen.

Flashy the inside may not be, though shrewd it is.

Are you done?

Check inside, wait and listen.

 

Recipe: Go or Stay Meditation

A meditation to help decide whether to leave or stick with a situation – relationships, job, career, home, business… anything you are questioning whether you need to change course.

Sitting in a space without any distractions.

Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths.

Once the mind begins to slow down, ask the question silently to yourself.

‘Help me decide whether to go or stay ’

Repeat 3 times and remain quiet and still

Using your breath or the Mantra ‘I am’ to gently move you away from the minds chatter and compulsion to answer.

Then ask again after a minute or so  – 3x ‘ Help me decide whether to stay or go’ – do not analyze or try to answer the question – remain still.

Return to your breath again or mantra.

After 5 – 10 minutes (use a timer) gently begin to open your eyes and return to your daily activities.

Keep your awareness on clues throughout the day – maintaining calm and mindfully attending your day.

Do not put pressure on yourself to have to know.

Be patient

Go inside, wait and listen.

Eventually you will know whether to stay or go

 

You are the mountain

You are the mountainImagine a mountain in your mind’s eye, the most beautiful mountain, whose roots stretch deep within the earth’s core.

Despite the changing weather and seasons that mountain remains still.

Despite the wind and torrential rain that mountain remains motionless.

Despite the blizzards and frigid temperatures that mountain remains unmoving.

Despite the heat of a hot summer day and drought that mountain remains tranquil.

Despite the movement of people and scurrying of animals that mountain remains silent.

The mountain sits soundlessly as day turns into night, season’s flow to the next, it watches as animals are born, live and die and nurtures seeds to take root in its soil.

It is the mountain that expects nothing, offers no judgments; it sits strong and steadfast through all trials and tribulations.

You too can be the mountain as you sit, tall and strong with your eyes turned inward, observing the ever-changing landscape.

From outward appearances, there is no movement, your face discloses nothing, your body shows not a quiver, despite the battle going on inside your head.

You remain still even while your bodily systems relentlessly conspire to keep you alive and your breath periodically catches your attention.

What a gift, to sit in stillness, not ruffled by life’s events or your inner turmoil.

To be calm and forgiving, allowing things to come and go, watching… seeing things for what they truly are, without the veneer of distortions.

The mountain symbolizes your meditation practice; it is the practice that keeps you still despite the ups and downs, the twists and turns of life.

Your body and breath move through you, though you remain rooted, in unwavering stillness.  As you face life’s storms, your practice keeps you grounded.

As with the mountain, you sit and observe all the comings and goings of life’s events, your emotions sweeping over you like clouds…  moments of disappointment and exhilaration, similar to the sun shining after a rain burst.

Take a seat and sit in stillness:

You are the mountain.

 

Recipe: I Am the Mountain Meditation

Sitting in a quiet place, preferably on the floor, if not sit in a comfortable chair

Sit tall, with hands on your knees, elbows soft, close your eyes

Take several deep breaths until you are settled and calm

Imagine that you are a beautiful mountain, this is your mountain; create it according to your wishes.

Spend some time looking at the mountain, then take a deep breath in and inhale that mountain into your body.

The mountain is now you

Imagine the snow, rain, sun, heat, wind, green, brown… travel through seasons, clouds, fog… watching observing all the comings and goings on your mountain.

Sit still, breathe, feel the breath embody you, keep you grounded and still despite the fluctuations of the events outside and inside you.

Breathe in – I am

Breathe out – the mountain

Breathe in – I am

Breathe out – still

Repeat several times out loud or silently to yourself.

After 10 minutes, open your eyes, sit quietly for a few more moments.

A letter to my Head

a letter to my headDear Head,

I need to speak with you.

After all these years you have taken up way too much space, telling me what and how I should live and feel. That I am not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough…never enough.

How many opportunities have been lost because of what you have been telling me? I believed you, I trusted you, you were the fountain of all wisdom. You ranted on about how I should feel, be, become. And I listened.

Your words made me fearful, self-conscious, unloved, hurt, unworthy. It angers me to know I had let you dictate how I should live my life, who I could be friends with, what achievements I was capable of. Yet, again I trusted you. You were all I knew.

I had no idea that deep inside me there was another voice, a kinder, more loving voice, that speaks to me in whispers, so quietly I could barely hear it above the cacophonous words you kept lobbing at me.

I am ready to take ownership of you! You are not in charge anymore! I am in charge! I choose!

You are here to help me, to assist, not to dictate. That quiet voice deep in my soul will be given a space to speak and to be heard.

Head, I love you, but you are not to take control anymore. We are a team, you come out when I need you to make some decisions or help me solve a problem. But you are not to define me or place me in a box where I am stifled and scared. We both want to be happy, let’s embrace one another and let the other parts of us in.

Thanks for your hard work, but it is now time to take a step back and sit in the peripheral.

I will let you know when I need you.

Remember, I am the one in charge!

 

Recipe: I Am That (So’ham) Meditation

A meditation to help control the fluctuations of the mind, calm the body and feel this interconnectedness with all beings.

This meditation is a practice uses a mantra as the object of attention – ‘ I am that’ or So Hum.

‘I am that’ or Sanskrit version, So’ham (pronounced ‘So Hum’)

‘I am’ is your conscious self – ‘that’ is the universal connectedness

As you inhale you say silently or out loud ‘I am’ or ‘So’ breathing in the universe

As you exhale say ‘that’ or ‘Hum’ – exhale your inner self to the universe.

Sitting on the floor with your spine straight and eyes closed or open if you choose to keep your eyes open look with soft gaze just above the periphery of your vision. If you are unable to sit on the floor, use a chair. Be comfortable. Take a moment and prepare yourself.

Place your palms on your thighs – face down for calmness of mind or face up with the forefinger and thumb touching to open your awareness – choose what is needed at this moment

Allow the body to relax scanning your body and releasing any residual tension

Begin to deepen your breath – as you inhale feel the rise of the chest and as you exhale as your chest falls.

With your next inhale, silently say to yourself ” I am” or ‘So’

Next, you exhale say silently “that” or ‘Hum’

Repeat for 5 -10 minutes

Once finished taking a few moments to absorb your experience, by sitting in stillness and then when ready move on with your day.

Remember you are the one who is in charge!

Is anyone listening?

listeningIs anyone listening?

No one seems to have time to listen.

They are too busy trying to keep up with their hectic lives.

Is anyone listening? Does anyone hear what I have to say?

Listening is becoming an outdated skill, as who has the time to stop and listen.

There is always some type of distraction, emails and texts keep coming and everything seems to be urgent.

How does it feel not be listened to?

It feels lonely and painful.

All of us want to be listened to, whether we admit it or not.

Yet, we don’t listen either.

It might appear you are listening when your eyes are fixed at the person speaking, though your mind wanders off or you are mulling over the response you want to give.

How is that listening has become obsolete?

We can blame our mobile phones, our busy lifestyle, and our butterfly mind.

What will become of us if we no longer listen to each other?

Life will become lonely.

Life will lose its freshness and creativity, as all you have are your thoughts and ideas.

It is harder to love another when all you hear is your voice.

Without listening there can be no connection to others or the world we live in.

Our sense of separation is reaching catastrophic proportions.

When we cease to listen, we stop protecting the world we live in and the people we love.

When you stop listening you miss the words being spoken, most importantly you miss the subtleties of what is being said… the expressions, tones and body language.

You say, you are too busy; there is not enough time to listen.

Listening is too time consuming, you want everything to be brief, to the point, or you lose focus.

Whose fault is that?

How has it gotten to where we can only hold on to a few seconds of information?

Some things cannot be expressed succinctly; it might take longer.

The end result is the speaking stops altogether.

What is left?  Nothing gets spoken. Therefore, problems and pains are shelved.

Yes, they do come out eventually, though probably in anger.

Anger seems to be the best way to get attention, though; no one listens to anger, as they are too busy defending their position.

So what to do?

Simply start listening.

Listen with your whole being.

Listen with understanding not with the expectation of responding.

Step out of your busyness and let the other know you listening.

How?

Look at them with your eyes and your body.

Give the person what they said back in your words, and then they know you are listening.

And ask the same for yourself.

“Listen to me”

 

Recipe: Active Listening 3-Minute Practice:

Set a timer for 3 minutes

For the next 3 minutes settle into your quiet space.

Sit on the floor with your back straight and eyes closed. If you are unable to sit on the floor then use a chair. Be comfortable

Start by taking 3 deep breaths to settle you in.

Then allow your breathing to return to your regular rhythm

Imagine you are sitting across from someone – you can choose a specific person or an imaginary one.

You are listening with your full attention

Notice if you mind begins to wander towards criticism, analyzing, interpreting and judgment pull your mind back.

Keep returning to being a receptive listener

You do not need to agree or disagree  – just honour what is being said.

Open yourself to that person’s mood and experience.

Continue on

Until the 3 minutes is up

Open your eyes and practice this in real life with someone you love, first.

Observe the reaction of the other person, and see how they feel when you are truly listening to them.

RJMindbody

RJMindbody