Category: freedom

Stay or go?

stay or go?

Should I go or should I stay?

Do you know when to throw in the towel? To acknowledge it is time to move on?

If you do decide to do so, are you a quitter, a failure who runs away from things when times are tough?

When is it right to stop and walk away?

Where should you look for guidance?

It might be as simple as you are looking in the wrong direction, outside, rather than inside.

The outside compares you to others, whose lives are in no way yours, setting norms and judging what you think you should be doing.

If you confess to the outside that you are finished, the outside will offer contradictory views, such as, ‘keep going’, ‘don’t quit’, ‘wait it out’ or ‘stop while you are ahead’, ‘you’ve done your best’.

What do you do with the outside response, other than pick the one that endorses your decision, or feel confused and stay put?

The only way to know is to turn inside, deep within, where there is often no obvious answer, yet it is there?

As when checking an egg, you don’t know if it is done until you poke a fork into it. You need to go inside when making big decisions about staying put or letting go.

Be aware you will not get the emphatic advice as you would get from the outside, this is why you keep looking outside, it deceives you into believing it knows what it is talking about.

But does is it really?

Loud and flamboyant is the outside voice. Yes, it is sexy and catches your attention.

Soft and quiet is the inside voice, speaking in our dreams, feelings, sensations and whispers.

Who do you listen to when seeking help, most likely the one who speaks with conviction, not the delicate voice sitting inside?

It takes a great deal of patience to listen inside, requiring stillness, quiet and waiting. The answer is not as immediate as the outside voice, yet the inside voice knows, because it is in you.

It knows because it lives inside of you, whether you like it or not, it is you.

So why would you search for an answer outside, without first checking inside?

Crazy as it may sound, check inside, wait and listen.

Flashy the inside may not be, though shrewd it is.

Are you done?

Check inside, wait and listen.

 

Recipe: Go or Stay Meditation

A meditation to help decide whether to leave or stick with a situation – relationships, job, career, home, business… anything you are questioning whether you need to change course.

Sitting in a space without any distractions.

Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths.

Once the mind begins to slow down, ask the question silently to yourself.

‘Help me decide whether to go or stay ’

Repeat 3 times and remain quiet and still

Using your breath or the Mantra ‘I am’ to gently move you away from the minds chatter and compulsion to answer.

Then ask again after a minute or so  – 3x ‘ Help me decide whether to stay or go’ – do not analyze or try to answer the question – remain still.

Return to your breath again or mantra.

After 5 – 10 minutes (use a timer) gently begin to open your eyes and return to your daily activities.

Keep your awareness on clues throughout the day – maintaining calm and mindfully attending your day.

Do not put pressure on yourself to have to know.

Be patient

Go inside, wait and listen.

Eventually you will know whether to stay or go

 

Who would of known?

who would of known?Who would of known what you would become when you grew up.?

Who would of known that moment in time would change your life forever?

Who would of known that experience or encounter was the beginning of something bigger?

Who would of known when you met that person you would fall in love?

Who would of known that you are he when you were somewhere else last year?

Who would of known… who would of  known?

So much is unknown, more than is known.

We only know what we know, the unknown is not known yet.

How complicated is this, mind boggling, to say the least?

Dr Seuss would have had a field day with this topic.

Our mind does not know what to do with not knowing, it needs labels or it becomes agitated.

The mind goes to all lengths to understand everything, even if it doesn’t, attempting to place things into little neat boxes.

How egotistical the mind is, very much like an adolescent who believes he knows it all; formulating opinions about something they know nothing about.

Yet, convinced they do with an artful dance to prove they know.

Not knowing creates a great deal of discomfort for ourselves and for others as it signals danger; not knowing what is next or around the corner, could be fatal if you live in the wild.

If only we knew then all would be okay, or so we believe..

I hate to break the news, nothing is known, other than what is occurring now, thinking you know or grasping to know, is not possible. If you believe you know you are deceiving yourself.

The next time someone asks you; “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” or “ what do you want to become?” or “when are you getting married?”… answer with “ I don’t know”.

“I don’t know”, nope no idea.

Free yourself from the constraints of having or needing to know. Needing and wanting to know is way too stressful. Think about how much energy is expended trying to play the knowing game.

Admitting to not knowing, does not have anything to do with you being lazy, lacking ambition or intelligence. It is about being honest with yourself.

Imagine how it would to feel to stop having to know, or having to prove to others you know. The feeling of relief that you can finally live for today, rather than the future, your mind will fight tooth and nails but eventually, it will relax.

Who would of known that the answer to happiness is to not know.

Who would of known?

 

Recipe: Not knowing Meditation – 3 minutes

Find a comfortable space anywhere, close your eyes

Take 3 deep breaths, to calm your nervous system

Now, repeat “I don’t know” silently or out loud

Keep repeating for approx 2 minutes

Stop and allow your whole being to absorb those words

Notice, the physical sensations and emotions – tightness, release, anger, relief … whatever comes up for you.

Allow yourself to sit for 1 minute longer and then open your eyes.

Practice saying “ I don’t know” to others. Or “I cannot predict the future” or “ I would like to be here, but do not know”

Sit with the discomfort of not knowing, notice what you feel on all levels.

Who would of known, you would be practicing not knowing.

Who stole your play?

Who sole your play?Who stole your play?

Let us play with the idea of play.  When was the last time you played?

“What, no answer, you are still thinking?” “You cannot remember?”

Oh, you say, “You are too old to play”.

“You don’t know what to do, playing is for children.”

Who decided that only children are permitted to play?

What happened to you when you stopped playing?

I would guess you lost your spontaneity, creativity, joyful silliness, and your zest for life.

Who stole your play? “’They’ told me to stop playing, you say”.

‘They’, whoever ‘they’ are, decided that play ceases to exist when you reach a certain age, even children’s play life has been getting increasingly shorter.

“What for? Oh yes, to prepare for adulthood.”

It is time to get serious about things, playing has no place in adulthood!

Yet, if we lose play, then what is left?  A bunch of uptight, stressed people, with few outlets to let off steam or find their mojo.

Play is hardwired in all humans, as children, we learn to use play to make sense of a complex world through stories, dolls, blocks, drawing or anything we can get our hands on.

Play teaches us how to solve problems and deal with frustrations that are inevitable. Having to rebuild the Lego castle you smashed because you ran out of the colour red is a great teacher.

Play frees us from worrying about outcomes because play is just playing; there are no expectations or goals to achieve. Play allows us to just be.

“What, you say, you don’t know how to play?”

Adult play is very much like child play, just step into your imagination and see what floats your boat.

But without, the little voice reminding you that you are a crappy artist, or you were laughed at when you sang that song at 10 years old, or that you are not really talented at anything.

Get rid of that voice, the voice that stole your play, the voice that echoes in your head it is time to grow up, get serious, stop the art and music classes, so you can make a “stable” living, and be responsible.

That voice pinched the one thing that made you happy, the thing that gave you the bounce to get out of bed in the morning, to feel alive.

Yes, seriousness and responsibility are qualities not to sneeze at, though they must not replace play. Integrate all three instead.

Without play life loses meaning, in fact, play is the essence of a joyful and mindful life.

All seriousness aside, let’s embrace play; if you have lost it, it has not gone far or stolen, it is still deep within you waiting to be found.

Get out and find your play!

 

Recipe: Finding Your Play Meditation

Sitting in a quiet space with little distractions

Close your eyes. Take 3 deep breaths

Recall a time in your life when you played, what were you playing?  What did it feel like? Take a moment and sit with the image and the feelings.

Take another 3 breaths and allow the feelings of play to encircle you, and experience all the sensations that arise, tingling, joy, excitement, where in your body do you feel them, in your pelvis, heart…

Allow your body and mind to remember what it was like to play, without restrictions, without the critical voices.

Now ask yourself, “ What can I do to play?” How can I bring play back into my life?”

Do not answer; see what comes up, either during your meditation or when you go about your day.

With practice, I guarantee you will find your play.

Patience please

patience pleaseI so desperately want to be a patient person.

‘Patience please” is written on a sticky attached to the edge of my computer as a reminder, to be patient.

Whenever it catches my eye, I automatically take a deep breath, and repeat the words.

‘Patience please’

I find it easier to be patient when you know what you are being patient about, something that is tangible, such as, waiting for a response following a job interview, or an article to be published or a meal in the oven.

I have gotten good at being patient during those times.

It is the times when I have no plan; there is no structure to what I am being patient about.

It is the unknowns, the days when you look ahead and you not sure what you are working towards.

I can be patient when I know that I had done my best and have to wait and see.

I can be patient even though the outcome may not be my what I want.

Patience when there are clear outcomes is manageable.

It is the not knowing, waiting for the universe to answer, to tell you what to do or where to go next.

These are the times when patience wears thin.

These are the times you have to dig deep within you to remind yourself to be patient, even if you have no idea what you are being patient for.

I suppose these times can be called lulls, when life becomes stagnant or feels as if there is no movement.

When you are unsure what is underneath the sludge, could it be a lotus flower waiting to emerge? Or nothing or just the green plankton that floats on the surface.

Patience is not easy during these times.

I often lose focus and wonder what I should be doing to make that not knowing thing happen.

During those times I take a peek at the yellow sticky, to remind myself to be patient.

Again take a deep breath and wait, then I become annoyed and edgy, riddled with impatience.

Screaming in my head “I have to know!”

I remind myself again and again, “patience please”.

Patience is about endurance, tolerance and serenity. I know how it feels when I am genuinely patient, not pretending be.

When I am impatient I sense my blood pressure rising, little remarks irk me and it is all too easy to lash out at the ones’ you love.

What good is being impatient if all it does is arouse negative feelings?

I am back again, this time holding my sticky note between my fingers, staring at it with grit determination, repeating the words,

“Patience Please”

 

Recipe: Patience

Write on a sticky note a phrase or a word that will serve as a reminder.

It needs to be in place you spend a good deal of your time.

When you find you are becoming engulfed with impatience, take a deep breath and repeat that phrase to yourself.

This will bring you back to the present moment where you can put things in perspective.

Be patient.

The power of awe

The power of awe

The power of awe

Awestruck

Awesome

Awe-inspiring

Awe

Words that hold the secret to our happiness, health and harmony with others.

Intriguing, you might say.

How can an emotion such as awe, have such a powerful affect on the most important areas of a person’s life?

Children experience awe multiple times a day, for adults only 2 ½ times a week.

Yes, a week, not a day, or an hour, but a week!

In other words, adults are awe-deficient.

You have heard of being vitamin, nutritional and mineral deficient, though what is awe-deficiency?

It simply means a shortage of awe experiences.

Experiences that take you from the dullness of everyday life, opens your eyes to something greater than yourself and shifts your perspective, even if only for a moment.

Awe experiences, from the eyes of children are moments of wonder, curiosity, amazement, laughter, freedom, lightness, presence and love.

Love for what is, what is in their visual path, what is touched, a kiss, a hug, a pretty stone, a leaping frog, a tiny ant, a yellow dandelion, the waves as they caress the sand, the shell they tenderly place in their pail, the smell of chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven and the taste of the melted chocolate tickling their taste buds.

Awe can be modest, or massive as when looking at the night sky, experiencing awe when we notice how small we really are amongst the billions of galaxies.

When in awe our heart swells, it sends blood rushing to cells and to organs, it signals your feel good hormones to come out of hiding.

Your body becomes tingly; goose bumps appear on the surface of your skin, creating a shiver up your spine.

When in awe, you feel like you are not alone, you belong and want to share the awe with others.

Awe connects all of us, as we look towards the setting of the sun or across the vastness from a mountaintop, or listen together a concerto in a grand hall.

Awe creates a space beyond the stresses of daily life and catapults us into a realm of beauty and breathlessness.

When in awe we are happy, our body relaxes and love flourishes.

As with any other deficiency, when you know you need more of something you will replenish what is lacking by taking a daily vitamin or eating foods steeped with minerals.

In the same way with awe-deficiency, increase your intake of awe moments, and you will be happier, healthier and in harmony with others.

All you need is a daily dose of awe.

 

Recipe: Increasing your awe moments

First thing is to be present; if you are distracted awe moments are impossible to notice.

Once present, take a deep breath through your nose and look or close your eyes and listen, feel, taste, and smell.

What is happening now, not past memories or future dreams?

The ocean, a flower, a sunset, music, a child’s laughter, being kissed and caressed, tasting a sweet fruit, the wind on your cheeks, the sun on your face, the smell of lavender or lemon.

It can be anything; awe moments are your moments.

Once you experience these moments, breathe deeply again and allow the your body to absorb the emotion of awe.

Once a day, don’t search or expect one these moments, allow them to come to you.

They come only if you are present and available.

Embrace your awe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blending in

Blending inAre you a Blender or do you stand out?

What does it feel like for you to standout?

Exposed

Vulnerable

Nervous

Self-conscious

Or?

Powerful

Confident

Invigorated

Happy

Are you the person who sits at the very back of a class or in front of the class?

Are you the first to raise your hand or keep your hand down?

Are you a person who dresses ordinarily in order to not be noticed or do you dress to be seen?

Are you the talker or do you wait to speak up.

Are you a Blender or someone who stands out?

Blending in makes a person small, almost insignificant so they are not easily seen or heard.

The Blender avoids crowds, parties and seeks refuge from the social scene.

The Blender may have been labeled as a child, “the shy one”, “not very social”, “quiet”, and “likes to spend time a alone”

Blending in can be a place of safety, where there are fewer threats of criticism and being judged.

Blending in is a way of coping when faced with too much stimulation and over arousal.

It is not easy being a Blender in a culture where standing out is revered.

Blenders view themselves as oddities of society as they are not like the rest.

Though, there are probably more Blenders than you would expect, possibly as much or more than those who stand out.

Blenders will often hide behind the façade of standing out in order to fit in, while sacrificing their ‘true nature’.

Their ‘true nature’ is to listen, sit in silence, contemplate, create, ponder, and observe.

Blenders may not attract attention with loud voices or a physical presence, they stand out because of their creative ideas and achievements.

Blenders reduce the noise in a noisy world.

‘Coming out’ as a Blender does not mean you will get lost in the crowd, it means you will find yourself.

Stand out as yourself, not as some one else.

If you are a Blender take pride in that fact.

 

Out of control

Out of controlOut of control

What would it feel like to be free from the grips of control?

Even for a moment?

To fall, knowing you cannot alter the motion.

To fully accept unequivocally you are have no control.

To feel like you are floating, in slow motion, through the air.

Without thoughts, the mind switches off, releasing total control seamlessly to the body.

With a still mind, fear is extinguished because it only exists in the mind.

With your body in control, relaxation is yours, consumed in a comfort blanket of trust.

Movements are etched into the fabric of your body one step at a time.

By all appearances, you have lost your balance… you have lost control,

It feels peaceful, restful, beautiful but strange.

Your body has wrapped you in love, a blanket of protection.

A rare occasion, a single moment in time, when there is nothing that can be done.

When all you can do is trust.

At these times when our mind steps aside, our muscles relax, tension releases. We float a little lighter and bounce.

Without control, you are less likely to tense.

Without tension, you are less likely to hurt.

Think of children who fall, relax and roll… adults tense and hit the ground hard.

Falling can teach you a lesson about control.

If you are trying to control all the happenings in your life, believing you are in control, think again

You are actually out of control

Control is often only achieved by loosening the grips of control, allowing things to unfold as they may.

Try letting go of control, see what magic your life releases.

 

Recipe for Letting Go of Control:

When faced with the dilemma of letting go of control.

Ask yourself these questions:

Can I control this… a dissatisfying job, an unhappy relationship…

If it is obvious what needs to change, then take the steps to do so.

If you cannot or is not apparent or it is not the time, be patient and let it go for now.

Throw tentativeness to the wind and trust that once you release the grip of that thing, you will then and only then know what is needed.

Out1Out of controlOut of control

Apr 17, 2016

Doing nothing

doingDoing nothing in a doing world

When is not doing, not lazy?

When is not doing, relaxing?

When is not doing, without guilt?

It is a challenge in a doing world to keep doing, even when we are trying not to do.

If this sounds like a Dr Seuss riddle, then now you know how it feels to do nothing.

Doing nothing is filled with twists and turns; the minds’ addiction to doing becomes anxious, taking you on random quests, attempting to get you into doing again.

Even if that doing is thinking about doing.

By the time you are finished doing nothing, you are exhausted, as if you have run a mind marathon of things you should be doing.

You might as well be doing, you decide.

Is it worth the effort to do nothing, you ask?

Doing nothing is the space between the doings; it opens up a gap, even if just a tiny crack, to different ideas.

Doing nothing pushes the pause button on your habitual thoughts, the thoughts that you think of all the time.

Doing nothing is loving and compassionate; it calms your body and soul, to love more deeply.

Doing nothing is self-nurturing; it fosters self-love without judgment and condemnation.

 

Recipe for Doing Nothing:

Decide to give yourself a day, a few hours, or 20 minutes of nothing time, you choose.

Sit quietly and close your eyes and direct your attention to the thoughts, feelings and sensations arising within – positive and/or negative.

Say out loud or silently to yourself, “ I give myself permission to do nothing”.

Despite your mind attempting to move you into the doing state, remain steadfast.

Do not despair if this takes multiple attempts, until your mind can settle.

Have nothing day today.

Feeling ill at ease

feeling ill at easeFeeling ill at ease.

Not feeling quite right.

Hanging by string.

Floating through life, without a place to settle.

Nothing seems to fit properly.

What used to feel comfortable and free flowing, now feels tight and constricting.

You might attempt to deal with it by ignoring it, remaining in state of uneasiness or fixated on the discomfort, which only amplifies the discomfort.

You might think it will pass, or try to rationalize the feeling away

Feeling ill at ease often indicates you are going through a change.

A sign, whether you like it or not, you are growing

An unsettling feeling, hanging on a string, waiting to find a place to land

The not knowing where you will end up, and whether it will be all right in the long run, that is the rub.

Try my three steps to embracing change

First, acknowledging that your ill at ease feeling is genuine.

Don’t hide from the reality of the feeling, just because it’s unpleasant.

Second, allow the feeling to wash over you.

If it persists, sit with it and observe where it is taking you.

Third, be patient. Focus with a mindful observance on that ill at ease feeling.

Observe with a non-judgmental presence; be careful not to force any change. Hold on with a relaxed grasp to the emotional string, you will know when you are ready to let go.

Don’t be afraid of this impending change. It is telling you, in a gentle, loving way, there is a wind of change steering you somewhere different.

Sit, observe and see where you land.

Speak to me

Speak to meSpeak to me

Please do not expect me to read your mind.

Speak to me

Please take the chance that I will be able to handle what you have to say.

Speak to me

Please show me you care about me.

Speak to me

Please understand I cannot change or grow if you hold back your words.

Speak to me

Please do not sit quietly seething in anger.

Speak to me

Please don’t destroy me with your silence.

Speak to me

Please sit in front of me, look into my eyes and…

Speak to me

RJMindbody

RJMindbody