Category: Counselling

Loneliness

lonelyThe mask of loneliness.

Are you lonely?

I never wanted to admit to anyone when I was lonely.

I felt like a freak, unloved, uninteresting, boring; a real misfit

The one who would eat lunch alone in the lunch room or the one who walked home from school without a flock of girlfriends chattering and giggling.

When I felt lonely I would prepare my mask as I stepped out of my house, hiding any suggestion of how I was truly feeling.

Then when alone the mask would drop to the ground, exposing my loneliness.

Writing this is difficult, because there is such a stigma against announcing your loneliness to the world.

Yet, loneliness is so pervasive, it can be found around every corner.

I find loneliness all around: in nursing homes, hospital rooms, flats, large homes, gyms, buses, parks, coffee shops, yoga classes; loneliness does not discriminate.

Try my three steps to resolving loneliness;

First step, is being honest with yourself about your feelings.

Second step, is to know you are not alone, you are not the only one on earth feeling this way.

Third step, you are not alone, full stop!

Remove your mask and replace it with the truth, that you want to connect with other human beings.

Once your vulnerability is revealed, you are now ready to let people into your life.

Remove your mask, smile and see what happens.

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Sitting with the uncomfortable

discomfortWhen faced with discomfort, what do you do?

I would venture to guess… get out!

Sounds reasonable, the sane thing.

Yet our unease can range from simple to extreme. At the outer edges even pain.

Discomfort is an internal sign, to evaluate whether to push on, pull away or sit with it.

It is our inner compass that something is shifting:

…a muscle is being strengthened… a heart is healing… a broken bone is repairing… an emotion is breaking free… a fear is being faced… courage is expanding

…a relationship is deepening… a dream is being achieved… love is flourishing… judgement is evaporating.

Discomfort, is a signpost on our physical, spiritual and/or personal journey. A momentary glimpse through the door of our inner self.

I recall my yoga mentor, who would encourage me to “work through a posture, not to give up”.

Pain and discomfort are different – pain, you knew immediately to stop, come out of the posture …discomfort was less to do with the body and more to do with the head.

Your mind says: “stop, get out, give up”.

Then I got it… the yoga posture was not only challenging my physical body but also my emotional and spiritual body. If I kept giving up, I would remain stuck on all levels. My fears on the yoga mat are the fears I bring with me into my ordinary life. My mind speaks the same language wherever I am. If I can work it out in the safe haven of my mat, then it can translate into the life beyond the mat.

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Imprisoned by ‘IT’

IT balloon‘IT’ is disconcerting…. how often I catch myself taking things personally. Something said… something done… someone who does not call… or nor being invited…

‘IT’ is within all of us…. an experience, like jealousy, envy or shame. We are frightened to admit these feelings.. Yet, we all do ‘IT’.

‘IT’ is our secret baggage….. we carry ‘IT’ around. Pretending that ‘IT’ does not matter…. Or…. We do not care about ‘IT’.   Foolishly we convince ourselves that ‘IT’ is silly. But ‘IT’ leaves an indelible imprint on how we feel.

‘IT’ is our chain to others…. we rely on being loved. Our inner compass points outward for approval. Why can’t we trust that we are loveable? Not for others, but loveable to ourselves.

‘IT’ is impossible…. to ever shake off, taking things personally. Unless you can delve into your inner space and acknowledge your own beauty.

‘IT’ is transforming…. as you begin to open your awareness, of when you are taking things personally…admit ‘IT’…validate ‘IT’…embrace ‘IT’…then ‘IT’ will start to evaporate.

‘IT’ will lose ‘IT’s’ power over you and you will be free.

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RJMindbody

RJMindbody