Category: Change

Oct 8, 2017

Enough

enoughDo you ever get to a point enough is enough? You are at your wit’s end, hanging on for dear life, never again… Enough!!!

Enough anger, enough violence, enough busyness, enough dishes, dirt, washing…

Enough of the negative news, stuff, talking, crying, working, thinking…

When we reach a boiling point, head throbbing, hands wringing, skin flushed, eyes glaring.

Enough is a powerful moment to reach the earth seems to stop spinning, a flash of revolt where the next course of action appears as clear as day.

Catching enough is easy; it is the holding onto it, which is the difficult part.

Reaching such a potent place can be the beginnings of a major transformation, but only if you can hold onto it.

Keeping your hand on the pulse of enough proves to be challenging as the vibrations relax into “I can deal with it”, “it’s ok, I can manage”, or it’s not so bad”.

Or your attention shifts elsewhere.

It is expected that the vitality of these moments will wane and eventually drift away into oblivion.

Until it happens again

Then enough is enough, no more, something has to change returns with a vengeance stronger than before.

Until with time the rhythm softens again, the cycle repeats

When is enough finally enough?

How can you capture and hold onto this feeling to bring about long lasting change rather than having to relive it again and again?

Transformation happens when you take the energy and carry it forward, walk with it, run with it, wrap your fingers around it and hold onto it for dear life.

Letting it fizzle out depletes the very energy that is necessary to change the situation.

Hold on; move forward with ease and a purpose, not out of a reaction.

Then change will happen.

 

Recipe: Enough meditation

When you have reached a point where you have had enough, rather than immediately reacting, close your eyes.

Take 3 deep belly breathes, observe your breath as it enters you and leaves you.

As your nervous system calms down, ask yourself, “how can I maintain this momentum”, without impulsivity and overreacting.

Stay with the breath and the emotions that are bubbling up for you.

Ask yourself, “What is my first step?”

Note the ideas, which come up for you.

Slowly open your eyes and jot down some ideas on a piece of paper.

Take one step at a time and make sure you do something towards addressing the problem.

Then change happens!

Discover how to make changes in your life with my Mindfulness Course which starts Wed 11th 7.00-8.15 for 8 weeks. 2 places still left. Call 07742 139 872 now to discuss.

Really?? !!

Really

Is it for real? Really? Are you kidding?

Spellbound, stuck in a swamp of sticky, squishy mess.

Did you just say that? Excuse me?

Eyes wide, eyelids cease to blink

Hearing turned up to its highest volume, the mouth struggling to form a word

Mouth is frozen due to the brains shock into immobility

Neurons confused, misfiring across synapsis searching for a logical explanation.

Body heavy, weighted down, like an anchor caught in a submerged fishing net.

Is it true? Can it be? Wait a moment? Can you repeat?

Expecting one thing and getting something else instead.

Surprise!!!

We have all been there

Having already imagined yourself there, living It in your imagination, making plans for That future dream.

Within seconds, which feels more like hours, your dreams take a turn and promenade off the edge of a cliff.

Looking down, aghast as you watch That dream fall to its death, and no matter what you say or do you cannot stop it.

Yes, we have all been there?

These moments etched into our memories never to be forgotten.

They are moments in time, surprise events, where expectations are dashed; shaking your head as if by doing so will change the outcome.

Uttering phrases: What could I have done differently? If only? What did I do wrong?

Disappointment careens through your system initially with such speed it throws you off your balance, eventually decelerating to a blip

You get over it, move on, and regain the new normal.

The new normal may not be what you expected, but it is another one of those life’s lessons: Life moves on… Get back on your horse… What will be will be

Once the shock wears off and your disappointment reduces to a sputter, you can now turn around and walk away from the edge of the cliff and…

Get on with living.

 

Recipe: Breathing through disappointment

When faced with a disappointment due to a turn events

You will automatically hold your breath; this is one of the reasons time feels like it is standing still

Holding your breath triggers the Sympathetic Nervous System, Stress Response

Fortunately, you are able to reverse this response by taking long deep breaths

It might be you step away from the person giving the news or asking for a moment

Begin taking long deep breaths through your nose and exhale out your mouth, if you can close your eyes, invite your eyes to close and follow your breath until your nervous system relaxes.

Taking the time out to follow your breath provides time to absorb the news and bring you back into your body letting the really escape.

Back to where you feel safe and secure

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Mindfulness course

Empowerment

Empowerment

Empowerment

Are you empowered?

To answer this, first one needs to understand what empowerment means.

Lets start with what it is not:

It is not:

Indecisive, passive, aggressive, dithering, weak, indifferent, submissive, docile, meek, conniving, compliant, judgmental, obedient, a ‘yes’ person, self-abusive, self-doubt, self-critical, self- destructive, and rigid.

It is:

Honest, open, listening, pro-active, risk taking, assertive, nonjudgmental, resolute and self-accepting, self-discovery, creative, flexible, forthright, and loving.

Empowerment is the secret ingredient of self-love; it is the flour in our cakes.

Without it, there is no grounding or structure resulting in limiting your potential, self-destruction, illness, depression and no sense of self.

Empowerment begins with you, saying ‘no’, or ‘let me get back to you’ before answering ‘yes’.

If empowered, you will stand your ground, yet be willing to listen to others with an open mind.

While being able to walk away before you say too much, decide and stick with a decision, and be willing to take a detour if necessary.

An empowered person can move with confidence and fluidity, they are not stiff or flimsy. Their head remains upright, shoulders relaxed and feet firmly planted.

This empowerment journey starts with your posture and deep breathing.

A person whose breath is even and relaxed exudes confidence, even if inside your are not there yet.

Then move onto setting boundaries, listen actively and take chances.

Place yourself in uncomfortable situations, take a breath, try, falling is a possibility, though if so get up and dust yourself off.

Laugh at yourself, stroke your back, remind yourself that you are powerful and will persevere.

That is empowerment

 

Recipe: Empowerment Meditation

Set a timer for 5 minutes.

Sit on a chair; make sure your feet are directly under your knees, firmly planted.

Make sure your back is not leaning against the back of the chair, reach the crown of your head towards the ceiling; relax shoulders and face.

Invite your eyes to close or look towards the ground with a soft gaze.

Breathe in and breathe out, 3x

Next, inhale, repeat ‘I am”, exhale, “strong”, “powerful”, “that”, “decisive”, “confident”… or a another word that best fits.

The words may change each time you practice this exercise depending on how you feel that day.

Repeat the breathing sequence with the phrase, until the bell rings and gently open your eyes and get on with your day.

It may help to place a Post it on your desk or computer to remind through the rest of the day.

That is empowerment.

 

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Lovers and clothes

lovers and clothesLovers and clothes

Lovers and clothes appear an unlikely pairing, though both, lovers and clothing share an intimate space in our lives.

Clothes as lovers, hang around waiting to be touched, a passing stroke of a finger or a lingering caress.

Sometimes they sit and wait, gathering dust, moth eaten, inevitably growing old, smaller, larger and duller.

Clothes as lovers, inhale and scratch, kiss the neck, the clavicle, and the breasts, running the length of your legs and arms, penetrating your inner thighs.

Hugging the waist, wrapping around shoulders and writhing hips gripping far too tight or too loose. Bottoms prodded and clutched, outlining the shape.

Clothes are undeniably our courtesans flirting and tantalizing us until we want to scream or rip them off.

As with lovers, clothes can make us feel good or not, enrich or denigrate and play mind games convincing us that they will fit comfortably if only we are patient.

Clothes restrict and hurt, ruin our days, preoccupy our minds, as lovers do.

When clothes are the right fit, not too tight or loose, move with the body, pays you a compliment, is interesting and colourful, then you know it is to be preserved.

As with lovers, open the closet, ask as yourself, do I love this, can I live without it, does it hurt me, is it too rough or hard, and does it grip too tight, is too big, is it unflattering, does it make me feel good, dull or uninteresting?

How do these clothes make me feel?

As you would with deviant lovers, get rid of them, they are only clothes.

There will always be more clothes out there, fresher, newer, and more interesting ones; clothes that rest easy on your hips make you smile, and in turn, others smile back.

Less is best; remove all clothes that are hardly worn, you soon will forget about them, as with lovers.

 

Recipe: De-clutter your closet for a mindful life

A closet full of clothes, which no longer fit, or are too old, or rarely worn, is a closet to de-clutter.

Too many clothes, means too many choices, wasting time getting ready and can set the tone for the day.

Don’t keep waiting for the day you are thinner, bigger or when the fad returns.

All you have is today. Today, no matter what size or shape you are, find a few items that make you feel good.

When you feel good in your clothes, you move with ease and are less stressed about how you look.

If clothes are uncomfortable, they affect your mood, resulting in less movement, hiding, and avoiding.

Go through your closet and get rid of most of the clothes, donate them to charity.

Then start again. Choose based on your shape and desires now, not what was or what you hope to become.

 

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What’s next?

What's next?

What’s next?

How often do you find your mind wandering into an empty hole of ‘What’s Nextisms’?

All is ok, still, you are caught wandering into no man’s land, empty handed, searching for the next thing or the next opportunity.

It may be you look back, for a split second, the realisation that all is fine as it is, though before you know it, you turn your head back toward the next experience.

What’s Nextism’s are common, exhilarating, as nextisms take you on a little adventure into the unknown.

The problem with What’s Nextisms is that you lose sight of What’s Now, what feels right, what is good, leaving you eternally empty and frustrated.

That initial jolt of thrill dissipates as your arms probe the walls of a dark cave, wondering which is the way to the light.

Creating unnecessary anxiety, all because ‘What’s Nextisms’ has a strangle hold on most of us.

What’s Now feels too dull, predictable and uninspiring, perhaps lacking get-up-and-go Nextisms have.

We are cursed by our evolutionary wiring, comparing what you have to what others have. When life had fewer choices and basic survival was the aim, this served a purpose.

Yet, now What’s Nextism’s is unrelenting, leading you down a rabbit hole again and again.

It is time to acknowledge that What’s Nexisms have their time and place in our contemporary world, but not set on a continuous loop.

Instead try this:  What’s now, pause, pause, what’s now… what’s next… pause, pause, what’s now…pause, pause, pause…what’s next….

 

Recipe: Limiting ‘What Nextisms’ Meditation

Limiting the What Nextisms, not eradicating them.

Close your eyes and take 3 deep, conscious breaths

Then explore what is happening at that moment, within you and outside you.

Say to yourself, ‘What’s now’ then take a pause, another pause… repeat this sequence.

Notice if your mind edges you towards ‘What next’ thoughts. Note how it feels to be present. You might feel irritable, content, and anxious, whatever comes up embrace all emotions and physical sensations.

Once settled, throw in a ‘What next?’ question, without answering, note how you feel and what physical sensations arise.

Return to repeating ‘What’s now’ pause, pause… What’s now, pause, pause…

The purpose of this meditation is to practice the art of sitting with what you have and managing the ‘What Next’ impulse.

When there is a ‘What Next’ enquiry, sit with the not knowing or if you know what it is then gently come out of the meditation and get on with what needs to get done.

Break the loop of What’s Nextism’s

A personal request – If you find this recipe useful please like, share and comment.

One step at a time

One step at a timeOne step at a time
The rhythm of getting through it
Getting through a tough time
Getting through is exactly what you have to do
Nothing more nothing less, just to get by
There are no lofty goals to achieve
Taking your one foot, placing in front of the other
One step at a time
One day at a time
One moment at a time
One second at a time
Once your mind wanders off to future land, you are done for
Or it retreats into the past; your steps lose their rhythm
It is the rhythm of the steps, the heel touching the ground,
Rolling through the arch, onto the ball mound then the toes catch the momentum
Which gets you through it
Your other foot begins its descent as you finish with the first one
One step at a time
It is not about what might happen or what could happen, it is about what is happening
Nothing more, nothing less
What is happening is manageable, it can be dealt with
What might or could happen is daunting and frightening
How you may feel or cope later is a wasted contemplation
All that you have to deal with is now, the gift of now
You get on with it, in the now.
You do what is needed in the now
There is a rhythm, a pulsating cadence from the soul, your guardian angel, or
God, whatever, whomever, is the rhythm, it does not matter
It is the beat, the pulse that gets you through it
Sensing and riding the progression of the inner music, is how you cope
When the mind drifts off the beat that is when you feel overwhelmed
The pulsating internal song, is what gets you through it
One step at a time, pick up one foot at a time, the body will gesticulate a pattern, this repetition soothes and protects
One step at time is all it takes.

Recipe: Walking Meditation
Begin by standing still, close your eyes and bring your attention to your feet
Rocking back and forth from toes to heels, feeling the ground and feet touch
Now open your eyes take one foot at a time, starting from the heel rolling slowly towards the toes, once the toes touch, begin to step the next foot forward.
Continue you with this rhythm for 5-10 minutes
Hands can rest on your back or allow them to swing naturally.
Eyes are open looking down towards the ground with a soft gaze.
This meditation is not about looking at the scenario around you, but to stay present in your body, as you would in a sitting meditation.
Allow the thoughts to come and go, as the feelings and sensations as well
Eventually there will be a natural soothing rhythm to your walk, a flow

Loneliness and boredom meet Inspired

Loneliness and bordom meet InspiredLoneliness and boredom meet Inspired

Loneliness and boredom together are the saddest friends

Their crooked arms link with one another, holding each other up

Loneliness hides beneath the covers, while boredom stirs seeking refuge from nothingness.

When the two get together, they are the oddest of companions, both forlorn with droopy eyes.

Nothing is spoken; their presence envelops one another, neither one pushing the other ahead.

They rely on each other to get through the day, laying on beds, couches and such, energy zapped, nowhere to go, nothing to see.

Until Inspired marches in, with eyes round and wide, arms pumping with vigor and fingers pointing.

Inspired, takes hold of Loneliness and Boredom, scoops both up as if one, looks penetratingly into their eyes, right through to their soul, saying,

“Get up!!!!”

“Get out of your rut!”

“You two have been friends for way too long”

Loneliness and Boredom, wipe their bleary eyes, focusing on the dynamic presence of Inspired, almost afraid to move, not sure what to do, where to go, what to be.

Inspired, quite powerful, not intimidating at all, smiles the smile that leaps off walls and penetrates us all. The smile that shakes the ground we walk on.

Loneliness looks inconsolably towards Boredom, their eyes meet, and sigh a touch of relief their days are numbered for the time being. They know their friendship has reached an end, as Inspired as joined the fold.

A threesome is not the same as a twosome, especially if the third to join is Inspiration. There is no room for the three in one bed, couch and such.

Inspiration takes it’s all, Loneliness and Boredom are sequestered to the floor.

Once Inspiration makes its presence there is no turning back, as Loneliness and Boredom, slink away with heavy hearts and weary souls, they creep underneath the bed still friends.

Underneath they lay, listening as Inspiration settles down on the bed that was once theirs, not quietly, or gently, but with exhilaration, the bed shakes and sways.

So Loneliness and Boredom, retreat once again, until Inspiration, tires and slinks away giving the space back to Loneliness and boredom, and then it starts again.

 

Recipe: Getting Inspired Meditation

 

There will inevitably be many moments when you feel stuck, either you are bored or feeling lonely, or the two together.

Rather than doing what you might do intuitively, is to find a distraction, turn on the TV, search the web, grab a book, or call someone, allow yourself to sit with the feeling of boredom/loneliness.

Find a quiet space to sit with your feelings of boredom/loneliness

Close your eyes and allow the feelings to be, do not make any attempt to push them away

Sit and breathe and notice where you are experiencing these feelings in your body

Breathe and sit with them

Wait, until either the feeling dissipates or you are ready to get up

Do not condemn yourself for having these feelings, as they are felt in all humans

Repeat if necessary

Through our feelings of boredom and loneliness, often comes the opportunity for growth

Don’t be afraid of them lasting too long, as they rarely do

All you have to do is wait and see

Time to let go find out how

Let go

How to let go.

Breathe in – ‘Let’

Breathe out – ‘go’

Pause

Breathe in again – ‘let’

Breathe out again – ‘go’

Pause

Let go, let go, let go…

Let go like you have never let go before

Let go of anxiety

Let go of pressure

Let go of resistance to letting go

Let go of the built up emotions

Let go of control

Let go of having to know

Let go of the need to prove yourself

Let go of your guilt

Let go of having to be perfect

Let go of hiding your weaknesses

Let go of anger and resentments

Let go, let go, let go…

Breathe in – let

Breathe out – go

Let go of unhealthy habits

Let go of self-deprecation

Let go of bitterness and jealousy

Let go of beliefs that do not benefit you

Let go of people who are takers, unkind and unsupportive.

Let go of thoughts, which are destructive and deplete you.

Letting go by no means is asking you to avoid these things, letting go gives you that moment of pause so you can see what it is that weighs you down, that thing that spins you in a direction away from your hearts desires.

Our lives are so precious and short; holding on to things that harm us, or require us to pretend, or be something we are not, is a waste of a life.

Letting go, is not an easy undertaking, yet the concept is simple. All it takes is:

A Pause

An inhale – ‘ let’

An exhale – ‘go’

Pause and repeat until that feeling, the impulse to remain stuck in your habitual way of reacting begins to disperse.

How will you know? Your body will relax and the weight being carried on your chest and shoulders releases its grip.

You will know, because your mood will brighten and a sense of wellbeing will envelop you.

Holding on, wraps around your body like a python; it eventually squeezes the life out of you. Think about how we pile things on, not just one thing, but also a life’s worth of things, despite our inner voice screaming…

‘Let go’, Stop‘, I don’t want this’!!!

That inner voice begging you to listen so it can catch you before it’s too late, once you hold on to something, it is difficult to extricate it from your life.

Before committing to anything whether it is yours or others moods, beliefs or requests.

Pause – take a moment, ask yourself, do I want this or can I commit?

If you decide you can’t – respond with a ‘No’. Then:

Breathe in – Let

Breathe out  – go

Then walk away with your head up high, knowing that you are free.

 

Recipe: Letting Go Meditation

Breathe in and breathe out

Breathe in and breathe out

Breathe in and breathe out

Pause

Breathe in – say ‘Let’

Breathe out – say ‘go’

Repeat… until your body softens, your minds chatter settles and your resolve is strong

Get on with your day and repeat this meditation multiple times until you let that thing go

Letting go will free you!

Stay or go?

stay or go?

Should I go or should I stay?

Do you know when to throw in the towel? To acknowledge it is time to move on?

If you do decide to do so, are you a quitter, a failure who runs away from things when times are tough?

When is it right to stop and walk away?

Where should you look for guidance?

It might be as simple as you are looking in the wrong direction, outside, rather than inside.

The outside compares you to others, whose lives are in no way yours, setting norms and judging what you think you should be doing.

If you confess to the outside that you are finished, the outside will offer contradictory views, such as, ‘keep going’, ‘don’t quit’, ‘wait it out’ or ‘stop while you are ahead’, ‘you’ve done your best’.

What do you do with the outside response, other than pick the one that endorses your decision, or feel confused and stay put?

The only way to know is to turn inside, deep within, where there is often no obvious answer, yet it is there?

As when checking an egg, you don’t know if it is done until you poke a fork into it. You need to go inside when making big decisions about staying put or letting go.

Be aware you will not get the emphatic advice as you would get from the outside, this is why you keep looking outside, it deceives you into believing it knows what it is talking about.

But does is it really?

Loud and flamboyant is the outside voice. Yes, it is sexy and catches your attention.

Soft and quiet is the inside voice, speaking in our dreams, feelings, sensations and whispers.

Who do you listen to when seeking help, most likely the one who speaks with conviction, not the delicate voice sitting inside?

It takes a great deal of patience to listen inside, requiring stillness, quiet and waiting. The answer is not as immediate as the outside voice, yet the inside voice knows, because it is in you.

It knows because it lives inside of you, whether you like it or not, it is you.

So why would you search for an answer outside, without first checking inside?

Crazy as it may sound, check inside, wait and listen.

Flashy the inside may not be, though shrewd it is.

Are you done?

Check inside, wait and listen.

 

Recipe: Go or Stay Meditation

A meditation to help decide whether to leave or stick with a situation – relationships, job, career, home, business… anything you are questioning whether you need to change course.

Sitting in a space without any distractions.

Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths.

Once the mind begins to slow down, ask the question silently to yourself.

‘Help me decide whether to go or stay ’

Repeat 3 times and remain quiet and still

Using your breath or the Mantra ‘I am’ to gently move you away from the minds chatter and compulsion to answer.

Then ask again after a minute or so  – 3x ‘ Help me decide whether to stay or go’ – do not analyze or try to answer the question – remain still.

Return to your breath again or mantra.

After 5 – 10 minutes (use a timer) gently begin to open your eyes and return to your daily activities.

Keep your awareness on clues throughout the day – maintaining calm and mindfully attending your day.

Do not put pressure on yourself to have to know.

Be patient

Go inside, wait and listen.

Eventually you will know whether to stay or go

 

Who would of known?

who would of known?Who would of known what you would become when you grew up.?

Who would of known that moment in time would change your life forever?

Who would of known that experience or encounter was the beginning of something bigger?

Who would of known when you met that person you would fall in love?

Who would of known that you are he when you were somewhere else last year?

Who would of known… who would of  known?

So much is unknown, more than is known.

We only know what we know, the unknown is not known yet.

How complicated is this, mind boggling, to say the least?

Dr Seuss would have had a field day with this topic.

Our mind does not know what to do with not knowing, it needs labels or it becomes agitated.

The mind goes to all lengths to understand everything, even if it doesn’t, attempting to place things into little neat boxes.

How egotistical the mind is, very much like an adolescent who believes he knows it all; formulating opinions about something they know nothing about.

Yet, convinced they do with an artful dance to prove they know.

Not knowing creates a great deal of discomfort for ourselves and for others as it signals danger; not knowing what is next or around the corner, could be fatal if you live in the wild.

If only we knew then all would be okay, or so we believe..

I hate to break the news, nothing is known, other than what is occurring now, thinking you know or grasping to know, is not possible. If you believe you know you are deceiving yourself.

The next time someone asks you; “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” or “ what do you want to become?” or “when are you getting married?”… answer with “ I don’t know”.

“I don’t know”, nope no idea.

Free yourself from the constraints of having or needing to know. Needing and wanting to know is way too stressful. Think about how much energy is expended trying to play the knowing game.

Admitting to not knowing, does not have anything to do with you being lazy, lacking ambition or intelligence. It is about being honest with yourself.

Imagine how it would to feel to stop having to know, or having to prove to others you know. The feeling of relief that you can finally live for today, rather than the future, your mind will fight tooth and nails but eventually, it will relax.

Who would of known that the answer to happiness is to not know.

Who would of known?

 

Recipe: Not knowing Meditation – 3 minutes

Find a comfortable space anywhere, close your eyes

Take 3 deep breaths, to calm your nervous system

Now, repeat “I don’t know” silently or out loud

Keep repeating for approx 2 minutes

Stop and allow your whole being to absorb those words

Notice, the physical sensations and emotions – tightness, release, anger, relief … whatever comes up for you.

Allow yourself to sit for 1 minute longer and then open your eyes.

Practice saying “ I don’t know” to others. Or “I cannot predict the future” or “ I would like to be here, but do not know”

Sit with the discomfort of not knowing, notice what you feel on all levels.

Who would of known, you would be practicing not knowing.

RJMindbody

RJMindbody