Month: January 2018

Jan 27, 2018

Without guilt

without guiltTo live without guilt

What would that feel like?

What makes it so hard to stop the guilt?

Not all mammals experience guilt, humans do because they are driven by instincts and consciousness simultaneously.

Instincts to lash out at someone, conscious not to do so as it has negative repercussions.

A cat lives instinctually wakes ups, eats, jumps around, catches a mouse, and slumbers back to the couch for a rest.

Do you think a cat feels guilty for sleeping all day or maiming the mouse?

How about guilt for not participating in the upkeep of the house?

Not a chance.

Cats don’t because they do what feels right.

A cat does not ponder their existence, purpose, or meaning of life.

Now let’s switch the cat with a human, the human who sleeps all day has to be very sick or she/he is lazy.

Catching a mouse would not be appropriate, if not downright sociopathic.

There is a rare person who could exist like a cat and not feel guilt, boredom and eventual depression.

A human differs from a cat, solely based on the size of the cortex (the outer layer of the brain); the part of the brain that thinks and observes.

Humans get to feel guilty, how lucky are we? Not and most guilt is unnecessary and a waste of time and energy.

Our feelings of guilt are based on 3 Shoulds:

  1. We should do something, but don’t know what.
  2. We know what we should be doing, but don’t want too.
  3. We did something we should not have done.

To live without guilt we need to stop and challenge the shoulding.

Who is the hell is it who told me ‘I SHOULD DO THAT OR SHOULDN’T DO THAT’.

Ask yourself, is it my should or other’s shoulds. All shoulds came from somewhere else.

To live without guilt, begin with removing the word should from your vocabulary.

You see, guilt loves the word should, it thrives on it, like a parasite.

Stop shoulding and guilt loses its life source.

Recipe: Without Guilt Meditation

When feeling guilty.

Close your eyes.

Take 3 deep cleansing breaths

Ask yourself “What am I feeling?”

“Guilt”

Ask, “ Where in my body am I feeling this guilt?”

Feel the guilt, hold onto it, embrace it and cradle it.

Take it and place it in front of you.

Ask it to leave, “You are no longer needed”.

Once it leaves, take deep cleansing breaths.

Feel how your body now has lost its tension simply by letting the guilt go

See also the previous article on feeling guilty and how to break bad habits

Jan 20, 2018

Feel guilty?

feel guiltGuilt, shame and anxiety are the three most excruciating emotions.

Emotions, which appear to come out of nowhere

You might be at work, innocuously speaking on the phone… Wham!

Guilt rushes straight to the pit of your belly, within seconds  you are now feeling bad and nauseous.

A friend sends a message chatting about what you had said the night before… Wham!

Shame, bypassing the tummy going straight for the neck and face, blood painting the face red.

Wondering how in the hell could I have made such a fool of myself?

Lying on the couch relaxing, Wham!

Anxiety flops on top of your chest, belly and legs turn to jelly, you are now flailing for a direction, unable to move.

Wham!?!?

Guilt, shame and anxiety the most despised sensations in the selection of emotions.

If asked which emotions you dislike the most, these would at the top.

All three make you feel like shit at the moment and hours to days later.

Coming out of nowhere, rippling through your ordinary day like a nuclear bomb.

Once these emotions emerge there is no easy way of shaking them off

They like to stick around; despite the rationalizations, these emotions run deep.

So deep that they can be found in your DNA

Look around you everyone you see has experienced these.

Our species survived thousands of years because of these 3 shitty emotions.

Science refers to them as ‘Inhibitory Emotions’, emotions that stop you from killing those closest to you.

Those who experienced these emotions lived to pass these emotions on.

Guilt, shame and anxiety force you to recoil and not harm others.

Great you might scream, but do I need these now?!

No, all three emotions are referred to as “Negative Legacy Emotions” meaning they are no longer useful.

They are not only no longer useful and unpleasant to say the least but induce low self-esteem, submissiveness and depression.

No, you do not need these anymore unless you are a violent person.

For most of us, we can let go of them.

But how?

Stay tuned, next time on how to get rid of guilt, shame and anxiety.

 

Recipe: Guilt, Shame and Anxiety Self-Examination Exercise 1

For the next time, keep a list of when have felt any or all of these emotions.

Sometimes they are experienced two at a time

Write down the emotion.

What was the event that triggered it/them?

What were the physical sensations?

How long did it last?

What thoughts did you have around the same event?

This exercise is simply to examine those 3 emotions

Next time: How to let go of guilt, shame and anxiety

Jan 14, 2018

Habits be gone

Habits be goneHabits whether good or bad, are just patterns.

Nothing more nothing less despite the heartache or pain they may cause.

Almost half of our behaviours are habits. Breaking bad habits is tough!

Habits are an unconscious action, reaction or thought repeated again and again.

Not in our awareness most of the time

Most of our habits were formed when we were young before the age of seven serving as comfort and a strategy to cope.

We cried to be fed, screamed to be seen, sucked on pacifiers and fingers to be soothed.

Shut down to feel safer and learned fear from our parents.

Your anxieties over money, relationships, or taking risks are frequently a product of your parents’ experiences.

Our culture taught us how to avoid boredom by seeking out distractions to occupy your mind.

Yesterday it was climbing trees, playing football, today it is grabbing for tablets or iPhones.

Our brains created habits to feel good and avoid feeling bad.

Now with age, we drink too much wine, are mesmerized by social media, eat to engorgement or hold in our feelings.

All these behaviours started out innocently, as a means to feel happy, then carried into an adulthood becoming our nemesis.

Clinging like shit to a shovel, making us feel bad, knowing we no longer want or need these habits, yet not having a clue of how to get rid of them.

Habits are merely routines shaped by our brains to create safety and conserve mental energy.

Begin with speaking of your habits with love and compassion; keep self-criticism out of it.

You were young when they wiggled their way into your brains circuitry, if you could choose your habits now, you would probably not choose most of your habits.

Be kind and see them for what they are.

Only then can habits begone.

Recipe: Changing your habits exercise

  1. Observe your habits then list the ones that are good for you (good) and those that aren’t (bad). For example, Like: wake up early and exercise daily, eating at the table. Don’t like: Drinks 5 cups of coffee a day, goes to bed late, eats fast food 3x a week.
  2. Once identified ask what it is you would like to add to your habit repertoire which is ‘good’ for you (drink 2 cups of coffee a day, go to bed an hour earlier, eat fast food 1x a month, or not at all)
  3. Pick one ‘good’ for your new habit.
  4. Implement daily for 45 days, it may take less or more days to take hold.
  5. You will know when they take hold, is when there is little to no resistance, you are doing it without thinking.
  6. All new habits require willpower at the beginning then with time willpower lessens; make sure the habit is small, not too big of a goal. For example, I want to lose 10 lbs. instead, I will eat on a smaller plate and add one vegetable/fruit to all my meals.
  7. Then once the habit is established add a new habit.
Jan 7, 2018

Motivation – Mind the drop

mind the drop

Motivation begins as a seed, a twinge that something has to change.

Sometimes we know for sure what that is and at times we just know something is not right.

Life is a complicated, messy, confusion of for sure’s or not for sure’s

Only guesses.

Once we have an idea what needs to change, our energy intensifies, because now we are convinced we know for sure.

Interestingly, the for sure’s of yesterday feels different from the for sure’s of today.

This is when it gets crazy, if I knew eating smaller meals was the right thing yesterday and worked like a mad hatter to achieve it why do I feel different today?

Today is a whole different beast of what was I thinking’s, I don’t feel like it’s, I want to eat the whole house, who care’s I am fat anyway.

Motivation ebbs and flows, drops and peaks, flat lines like a boxer in a ring.

A boxer begins their first round surging with energy, until the second round he slows down, falls, gets ups, punches, staggers, until adrenaline sets in coursing through his body, one final punch he has won.

Motivation oscillates it rarely remains steady.

Don’t let drops throw you off your goal, allow the drops to be just drops, the not sure’s to be just not being sure.

Eating the house or avoiding the gym, are your drops.

Guilt, shame and self-loathing are your drops.

Not sure if you care, does not mean you won’t care tomorrow.

Stick with the thing you want to change, despite the shifts in feelings

Fluctuation of feelings and motivation is the only sure thing.

Recipe: Staying Motivated Meditation

Find quiet place close your eyes

Begin by taking some deep breaths, inhaling through the nose and exhale through the nose.

Once you begin to feel at ease and your mind is calm

Imagine the problem situation, the situation you want to change

As if you are watching it on a movie screen in black and white, observe it objectively

If it creates pain in your life, observe the pain it is causing

Then shift to seeing yourself in colour on the same screen succeeding at making the change, what does it look like, how does it feel?

Take a few deep breathes and step into the movie screen, you are now a participant in the change.

Allow yourself to fully experience the change, emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.

An example, your change is to become fitter, observe yourself unfit, lacking energy, having difficulty catching your breath, being heavy, your clothes are tight.

Then shift to observing yourself fit, trim, energetic, moving with ease, smiling.

Complete the meditation with a motivational mantra/affirmation: I am fit, I am healthy, I am energetic, I can move with ease….

Last chance to join the Mindfulness course starting this week – see here

 

RJMindbody

RJMindbody