Month: July 2017

Lovers and clothes

lovers and clothesLovers and clothes

Lovers and clothes appear an unlikely pairing, though both, lovers and clothing share an intimate space in our lives.

Clothes as lovers, hang around waiting to be touched, a passing stroke of a finger or a lingering caress.

Sometimes they sit and wait, gathering dust, moth eaten, inevitably growing old, smaller, larger and duller.

Clothes as lovers, inhale and scratch, kiss the neck, the clavicle, and the breasts, running the length of your legs and arms, penetrating your inner thighs.

Hugging the waist, wrapping around shoulders and writhing hips gripping far too tight or too loose. Bottoms prodded and clutched, outlining the shape.

Clothes are undeniably our courtesans flirting and tantalizing us until we want to scream or rip them off.

As with lovers, clothes can make us feel good or not, enrich or denigrate and play mind games convincing us that they will fit comfortably if only we are patient.

Clothes restrict and hurt, ruin our days, preoccupy our minds, as lovers do.

When clothes are the right fit, not too tight or loose, move with the body, pays you a compliment, is interesting and colourful, then you know it is to be preserved.

As with lovers, open the closet, ask as yourself, do I love this, can I live without it, does it hurt me, is it too rough or hard, and does it grip too tight, is too big, is it unflattering, does it make me feel good, dull or uninteresting?

How do these clothes make me feel?

As you would with deviant lovers, get rid of them, they are only clothes.

There will always be more clothes out there, fresher, newer, and more interesting ones; clothes that rest easy on your hips make you smile, and in turn, others smile back.

Less is best; remove all clothes that are hardly worn, you soon will forget about them, as with lovers.


Recipe: De-clutter your closet for a mindful life

A closet full of clothes, which no longer fit, or are too old, or rarely worn, is a closet to de-clutter.

Too many clothes, means too many choices, wasting time getting ready and can set the tone for the day.

Don’t keep waiting for the day you are thinner, bigger or when the fad returns.

All you have is today. Today, no matter what size or shape you are, find a few items that make you feel good.

When you feel good in your clothes, you move with ease and are less stressed about how you look.

If clothes are uncomfortable, they affect your mood, resulting in less movement, hiding, and avoiding.

Go through your closet and get rid of most of the clothes, donate them to charity.

Then start again. Choose based on your shape and desires now, not what was or what you hope to become.


Please do like comment and share to spread this mindful message

What’s next?

What's next?

What’s next?

How often do you find your mind wandering into an empty hole of ‘What’s Nextisms’?

All is ok, still, you are caught wandering into no man’s land, empty handed, searching for the next thing or the next opportunity.

It may be you look back, for a split second, the realisation that all is fine as it is, though before you know it, you turn your head back toward the next experience.

What’s Nextism’s are common, exhilarating, as nextisms take you on a little adventure into the unknown.

The problem with What’s Nextisms is that you lose sight of What’s Now, what feels right, what is good, leaving you eternally empty and frustrated.

That initial jolt of thrill dissipates as your arms probe the walls of a dark cave, wondering which is the way to the light.

Creating unnecessary anxiety, all because ‘What’s Nextisms’ has a strangle hold on most of us.

What’s Now feels too dull, predictable and uninspiring, perhaps lacking get-up-and-go Nextisms have.

We are cursed by our evolutionary wiring, comparing what you have to what others have. When life had fewer choices and basic survival was the aim, this served a purpose.

Yet, now What’s Nextism’s is unrelenting, leading you down a rabbit hole again and again.

It is time to acknowledge that What’s Nexisms have their time and place in our contemporary world, but not set on a continuous loop.

Instead try this:  What’s now, pause, pause, what’s now… what’s next… pause, pause, what’s now…pause, pause, pause…what’s next….


Recipe: Limiting ‘What Nextisms’ Meditation

Limiting the What Nextisms, not eradicating them.

Close your eyes and take 3 deep, conscious breaths

Then explore what is happening at that moment, within you and outside you.

Say to yourself, ‘What’s now’ then take a pause, another pause… repeat this sequence.

Notice if your mind edges you towards ‘What next’ thoughts. Note how it feels to be present. You might feel irritable, content, and anxious, whatever comes up embrace all emotions and physical sensations.

Once settled, throw in a ‘What next?’ question, without answering, note how you feel and what physical sensations arise.

Return to repeating ‘What’s now’ pause, pause… What’s now, pause, pause…

The purpose of this meditation is to practice the art of sitting with what you have and managing the ‘What Next’ impulse.

When there is a ‘What Next’ enquiry, sit with the not knowing or if you know what it is then gently come out of the meditation and get on with what needs to get done.

Break the loop of What’s Nextism’s

A personal request – If you find this recipe useful please like, share and comment.


ShameShame on you

Caught! Exposed! Found Out!

Shame wraps its tail around a person with such swiftness, that before they have a chance to fight or run, their throat tightness, heart quickens and eyes seek asylum towards the ground.

There is no refuge; shame is like a cancer, it loiters inside you, like a hungry dog until it is fueled with hateful self–talk or releases on to others through blaming and shaming them.

Nothing compares to the feeling of shame, when exposed, other people see through the veil of your protection, the veil used to endorse your okayness.

Before shame you walked around head held high, full of yourself, flawless and convincing until shame, then it all unraveled, like a mummy losing its wraps exposing a petrified body.

After shame, much of your time is used bracing against any reminder of what caused the shame in the first place.

It creates a secret life that screams out, please talk, and share what happened, because we are human too.

We all have flaws, our vulnerabilities and nakedness is the real deal, while endless pursuit of bravado is a farce.

Interestingly the shield you carefully carried for protection is the very thing that destroyed the person you aspire to defend, which is you.

There is no shame in talking about shame, the shame is leaving it unspoken.


Recipe: Facing Shame Meditation

First, learn the physical symptoms of shame, this way you recognise shame.

Dry mouth, heart racing, tunnel vision, hot flush, perspiring, and eye avoidance

Once identifying the physical symptoms you can explore the triggers.

What event elicited this feeling of shame?

During meditation, sit with the discomfort of shame; breathe through the waves of uneasiness.

Use your body as a means to heal your shame.

If shame is not addressed, it can wreak havoc on your self-worth, authentic self, social life, and mood, manifesting unhealthy behaviors such as, perfectionism and avoidance.

Close your eyes, breathe through the shame and breathe out the disparaging thoughts.

Repeat to yourself, “ I am human” “ I am imperfect” “I am lovable” “ I am worthy” “I am okay”

Free time

Free timeFree time

Free time is what we all look forward to after a long day, a week of work or a holiday.

Looking ahead to the next free moment… lunch, after work, Friday night.

Biding your time until you are free to do what you want.

Comparable to looking out through the bars of a cage seeing your freedom from the inside out, waiting to be free, free of obligations, constraints and to move about on your own volition.

Free time feels good, especially the idea of free time.

The anticipation of free time is the energiser.

Once you are free to wander beyond the bars, initially there is a sense of liberation, a softening of your movement, akin to floating. Looking back with a sense of relief and a bounce in your step, because you are now free.

Free to do the things that were out of reach while behind the bars.

Once free, there is often an initial high, once that wears off reality sets in.

What to do with your free time?

Concentration lapses, your mind flitters into… ‘what to do’, ‘I should be doing’, ‘I hate my job’,’ I am lazy’, ‘I am bored’, to existential questions, such as ‘what is the meaning of life’ and ‘what is my purpose’ and ‘ is this all there is’?

Free time can bring great joy, twisting, as swiftly into feelings of frustration when free time experiences are not exactly what you hoped for, resulting in depleted energy and disappointed; the anticipation was far more thrilling than the actual reality.

In other words the looking forward is far more exciting than the free time experience.

Have you ever felt deflated after a weekend or a holiday because you had no recollection of what you did?

Relishing free time is a skill, which requires learning how to use your free time efficiently.

Due to the nature of free time, it is all too easy to drift into activities, such as, watching TV, perusing the Internet, talking on the phone, or texting. These all too often leave you feeling empty and unfulfilled.

The key is to seek out an activity that is not mind numbing but leaves you in a state of euphoria or what I refer to as a soul blowing experience.

The 4 essential requirements to enhancing your free time is having an idea, concentration, to be challenging and ends with a reward

Examples of these activities are, skiing, cooking, reading, writing, sewing, cleaning, swimming, photography, yoga, exercising… whatever floats your boat.

The essential ingredient to enjoying free time is that you are focusing on one activity at a time, not bouncing around. If you are cooking, cook, if you are skiing, ski, reading read, and so on and so forth.

Start with an idea/plan, sustain concentration, there has to be a challenge to it and reap the rewards of what you devoted your precious time to.

With this newfound skill you can look forward to and actually feel rejuvenated from your free time, rather than looking back in dismay.

Learn to enjoy your free time.

Recipe: Free Time Meditation

Take 3 deep breaths

Ask yourself what do I want to do with my free time?

If there is no answer

Take another 3 breaths, repeat

Until something captures you

Do not resort to your default free time habits of turning on the TV, picking up your phone, or checking emails/Facebook.

You might decide to go for a walk… plan the route, maintain concentration, make it challenging and then enjoy the accomplishment of getting there, what ever grabs your fancy.

Enjoy your free time!

With Courage by your side

With courageWith Courage

Where did my Courage go as I stepped out the door?

Looking behind, waving to Courage to join me, though there was no convincing him to leave the comfort of the bed.

Nestled under the covers, Courage decided to stay.

I had neither the time nor energy to grab hold of Courage and drag him out of bed.

So I left him behind.

If only I had taken the time to sit on the edge of the bed and discuss Courage’s malaise, my day would have been different.

That day had taken on many twists and turns, grappling for the very thing I needed, tucked away in bed at home, which was Courage.

My steps that day were weighted down, the heaviness in my legs made it almost impossible to move with ease.

Without Courage, my shoulders were burdened with fearful thoughts, self-doubts, insecurity, with that came forgetfulness.

The world did not feel as safe without Courage.

When Courage was there he would either sit on my shoulders or gently place his hands on my back, supporting and pressing me on.

Without Courage, I lost my confidence, only seeing the cloudy skies, people’s disappointed faces and all the botches.

If Courage were there he would have turned my head towards the sunny skies, my arms up high, lifting my head to see the smiling faces and nods of acceptance.

Courage would never have allowed me to ignore what went well that day, all the achievements and efforts, irrespective of the outcomes.

Only if I had taken the time this morning, maybe been a little late, to sit and talk to Courage, convince him he needs to accompany me, that without him, the world becomes a bleaker place.

Without him, I walk on tender hooks

Without him, rejection destroys me

Without him, I feel alone

Without him, I lack energy

Without him, I take no risks

Without him, the day is sad

With Courage you can overcome mostly anything, don’t leave it behind.

Take the time.


Recipe: Taking the Time Meditation

Give yourself time to prepare for the day, carve out extra time.

Sit for 5 minutes on a chair, the floor, or the bed.

Close your eyes and follow the rhythm of your breath.

Inhale and exhale 3 times then add:

As you breathe in say, “I breathe courage in”

As you breathe out say, “ I breathe fear out”

Repeat for 5 minutes and then get on with your day.

Take the time each day to invite Courage in.

Do not leave Courage behind; make sure you bring him with you.

Take the time