Month: January 2016

Is it right?

Is it right?Is it right?

Right or wrong

Should I or shouldn’t I

What if it isn’t right?

How would I know unless I try?

Will I regret?

Is it my gut or fear guiding me?

These are the commonplace questions we ask ourselves in the midst of a decision.

How do you know, if it is right?

What is the difference between gut instinct and nerves?

If your gut is advising you to not take the risk, then listen to it, if it is your nerves, take the leap anyway.

It is difficult to differentiate between the two in a time of complex decisions, such as; getting married, having a baby, buying a house, accepting a new job…

How do you know for sure?

The answer is simple, you don’t!

Nothing is for sure.

All you know is how you feel after you make the decision; there is a period of adjustment, most eventually adjust.

Once adjusted, then you can reflect on the decision.

If it was the wrong decision you will know with time, yet isn’t that what life is all about, taking chances.

Mistakes do happen, though that is part of growth and being alive.

In answering the question, ‘is it right?’

All you can do is turn inward and listen to the non-verbal cues within.

Try my ‘ Checking In’ 5 minute audio meditation here

Why worry?

Why worry?

Why Worry?

Worrying is a wasteful pastime, it can consume so much of your time.

Worrying wreaks havoc on your contentment, an endless loop: when one set of worries stops; another eagerly awaits, as its replacement.

Worrying keeps you awake at night, sapping energy for the next day.

Worrying does little to resolve your problem; rather it perpetuates and amplifies it, so all that can be seen is the problem, not the solution.

Worrying is equated with caring. If you’re not worrying, then you feel that you’re not caring enough.

Why worry?

We are hard-wired to worry. A deep routed reaction to actively doing, preparing, anticipating for what may occur. You are convinced worrying will keep your loved ones safe.

It seems logical to worry; yet unless your are living in the woods, awaiting dangers from wild animals or mother natures’ wrath, worrying does nothing more than create anxiety and stress.

Today’s worries are no longer based on pure survival, they are based on elusive things, which you cannot run or hide from.

Why worry?

Question is how can you reduce your worrying?

Start by taking a ‘Worry Moment’.

Acknowledge you need to set aside a few minutes, maybe every hour, to allow yourself to worry about your worries. Write them down and reflect on them.

Then stop and get on with your tasks.

This creates boundaries for your worries. You have now compartmentalized your worries taken control to prevent them being all consuming.

A mindfulness technique I call the ART of the Worry Moment.

Acknowledge

Reflect

Take control

Watching

watching

Watching how things really are

Watching my fingers as they tap the keyboard.

Watching the words, which seem like magic appear on the computer screen.

Watching the folding of the sheets as their creases are ironed.

Watching the airplane fly amongst the white puffy clouds and blue sky.

Watching the white, aromatic lilies sitting on my bookshelf.

Watching the silence as the rest of the family takes naps.

Watching the stillness when no words are spoken.

Watching the coffee as it enters my lips

Watching the woman in the window folding her sheets.

Once we know how things really are, without scrutiny or judgment, there is no need to worry, desire or grasp, it is understood.

This is mindfulness.

The simple awareness of how things are inhibits anxieties and stress.

It is the grasping for past or future events, which create inner turmoil.

Imagine sitting at your desk or at home on your couch, instead of instantly seeking things to do, pause for a moment and observe your surroundings.

Notice what is in front, to right, to the left, and behind you.

This simple act of pausing and observing moment-to-moment details allows you to watch the rising and ceasing of feelings of urgency.

Awareness affords us the opportunity to disengage from the flurry of having to respond with urgency; such as, checking your email, making a call, cleaning the dishes, picking up the toys, grabbing for a chocolate bar, checking your phone…

Most of our instantaneous reactions are ingrained habits, outside our awareness, until you bring them to the forefront.

Once we see things as they really are, only then can we decide what is the next step, what takes priority, what is in your best interest and what will inspire you.

Reading emails at the start of the day, seems to be the most logical thing to do, though they can deplete your energy, when energy is normally at its peak. Taking a moment to take stock of your day, you may start with the thing that requires your full attention, perhaps that report you left unfinished on your desk the night before, or the phone call that has been delayed due to the complexity of it.

This act of watching liberates you from unconsciously choosing undertakings that fill gaps in time with busy-ness, and replaces them with activities that are rewarding and soul enhancing.

Before you start your day, sit in front of your computer or on the couch, take some deep breaths and wait for 35 seconds. Then begin, make this your new habit, see how your day changes.

Take time to watch and you will see things as they really are.

Forgive yourself

forgive yourself

Forgive yourself

To forgive yourself is one of the most difficult things to do.

Why?

We are trapped within the mind, a relentless, opinionated, hurtful, 24/7, cacophony of retributions. There is no escape, no matter where you go, it is with constantly present, ready to pounce again and again, reminding you of your faults.

None of us are exempt. We trip into the hurting of others, imperfections perpetuated. This is being human.

Imperfection is the true definition of being human. We have no instruction manual. We enter the world as a blank canvas, with nothing more than our naked selves. Time chisels, shapes and frames our fit with societal norms, we are deemed bad if we err on our imperfections, naughty, angry, sad, the bedrock of being human.

You are expected to be perfect, to do the right thing. Any deviation from the norm creates repercussions; feelings of guilt that eat away deep within if not dealt with.

Forgiving yourself entails taking a closer, more mindful look at your behavior: ask yourself, tough questions: how can I grow, learn and heal from this.

Rather than shuffling the blame to and fro, acknowledge it, own it, then ask yourself:

What is this teaching me?

What can I learn here?

How can I grow and heal?

Life is a perpetual lesson, be kind to yourself.

Stop.

It’s easy to forgive those who ask for forgiveness. Hold yourself to the same standard. Isn’t it time to forgive yourself?

Stop, the self- battering!

Here are my mindful steps to self-forgiveness:

Be aware, you screwed up

Acknowledge your imperfections

Avoid ruminating about the act,

Make amends with others.

Devote time to self-reflection: how you can I learn, grow and heal here?

Offer yourself forgiveness.

Forgive, let it go and move on.

Speak to me

Speak to meSpeak to me

Please do not expect me to read your mind.

Speak to me

Please take the chance that I will be able to handle what you have to say.

Speak to me

Please show me you care about me.

Speak to me

Please understand I cannot change or grow if you hold back your words.

Speak to me

Please do not sit quietly seething in anger.

Speak to me

Please don’t destroy me with your silence.

Speak to me

Please sit in front of me, look into my eyes and…

Speak to me

RJMindbody

RJMindbody