Month: October 2015

Disappointments

Disappointments

Disappointments expose forks in the road.

Whatever you wish to call it, a failure, setback, stroke of bad luck, let down, there is no denying disappointments leave a distinct feeling of a blow to gut.

Especially when, without a doubt, you were convinced that you would be there, get that thing, you so desperately wanted.

There were even moments when you could actually touch and taste the sweetness of the triumph.

It was yours before the rest of the world knew.

You may had already created in your minds eye the victory party, the acceptance speech, the clothes that baby would wear, the ‘yes’ to the proposal from your lover, the perfect home…

Then, your dreams are shattered, the bubble bursts, it just does not materialize?

You get rejected, lose the baby, someone else beats you to it, they bought your dream home.

These are crushing moments in life, leaving you breathless, in shock, feeling helpless, lost defeated, crushed and confused.

But they are just moments in time, not a lifetime sentence. As the breath resumes, so does your life.

Disappointments instantly pronounce the present moment, bringing us into a space, which touches our deepest emotions.

Yet disappointments have the capacity to humble us, provide us with alternatives, unexpected new opportunities in different directions.

None of us would choose disappointment, but through disappointment we witness a fully lived life, stepping out of safe zone into the unknown.

None of us can expect life to be all peaks and no dips. Dips boost our creative power to rethink and strategize from a perspective see new scope.

So permit yourself to dip, feel the depths of the emotions, and then rethink what next.

Disappointments lead to the fork in the road; it is your choice, which way you will turn.

Stepping out

Stepping out

Stepping out

Here’s the dilemma: Do you ever sit on the fence; struggle to make a decision, pontificate; decide not to decide?

Whilst I was skimming on line one day, I came upon this advertisement: a young girl, cute skirt, fashionable green Wellies with a bright orange cuff, I was sold.

I could do that, that’s me of course, drawn towards the ‘buy now’, stepping into the image, I had to buy, don’t we get sucked into the hype?

The order arrived; I liked them, especially the feel. The problem is, I am not sure if I can wear them outside?

Do I want to be seen in green Wellies with a bright orange cuff?

Why? Well because I have never worn green Wellies, with a bright orange cuff. If I wear them, I have to keep them. I would then be stuck with the boots.

See, these Wellies are not within my shoe comfort zone, they are unusual. I know deep down inside that boring black may have been best, safe, comfortable, secure, but still boring.

So I’m stuck; trapped, an inner turmoil. Do I or don’t I wear them?

It sounds ridiculous, when there are bigger problems in the world. I am embarrassed to admit.

Some may say just wear the boots, step out into the risk zone. Others may say send them back. Replace with the safety of a black pair.

But the boots are a metaphor for any decision we are confronted with, whether it be, relationships, children, a new home, changing a job…

How do we know we want these things if we do not give it a go?

When faced with a decision.

Ask yourself should you step out and go for it. Do you straddle the doorframe, hover not venture out or decide to not risk at all, play safe?

Perhaps it is time for you to step out?

How are you?

how are you?How are you?

‘I am Fine, Thank you.’

I have spent much of my life trying to hold it together, protect myself, building defenses from the not fine explanation.

My smile sparkled with enthusiasm. To outward appearance I was ‘fine’, ‘great, thank you’.

But, if you could see inside, I struggled; wrestled with insecurities, worry, feelings of inadequacy, a deep spiral of questioning my very existence permeated my very inner being making mountains out of mole-hills.

I kept my struggles close, we do, don’t we?

Few knew the inner me, it’s so easy to present the façade, a smile a false picture all is okay. Yes I’m fine.

‘Fine’ is a convenience word, it halts further probing, fends off deeper questioning providing a cast iron halo suite of armor which protects us.

In this safe zone, you avoid everything, troubling others with the boring details of your life.

But do these people actually care if you are not fine, anyway?

Are they really interested, do they want to know or have time to listen?

Overtime I convinced myself I was fine, I avoided acknowledging that my world was unraveling.

Until it fell apart, I knew I was deceiving myself, presenting a false me to everyone else around me.

I could no longer hide behind the façade of fine, though I had no idea what else to say.

It just happened, a realization, a moment of blinding light, I knew that I did not have to have to answer at all.

I am not obligated to answer, or if I felt the need to respond, out of courtesy “fine” worked for a brief encounter. I allowed it to be an acceptable response but..

What I had to stop doing is lying to myself that I was fine when I wasn’t.

None of us owe anything to others, though we do to ourselves.

The truth is that we have to allow the truth to be acknowledged to ourselves. Stop pretending that everything is fine when it isn’t.

Allow yourself to be not fine, choose the vocabulary you want to use but don’t feel obligated to have to unpick the turmoil you are grappling with.

Fine can work but you are under no obligation to explain yourself in response to the question.

Just be true to yourself.

What’s the problem?

What's the problem?What’s the problem?

I hate that word “problem”, it turns my insides upside down, I freeze, hold my breath and wait with bated breath for the next word to follow. My first thought, is “Oh crap”

Do any of us invite problems into our lives?

No! We try like mad to avoid them or devote exorbitant amounts of energy worrying about them. How many sleepless nights are spent spinning countless tales in our heads, stealing our precious moments of solitude?

Yet, is it possible to live a life without problems?

No way!

Problems have been given a bad rap over the years.

Let’s imagine that problems are essential, the reason why the universe, the earth and all living things have evolved to where they are today.

Without problems there is no impetus to change, growth halts.

I have admit, I want to grow, but without the pain. I am like everyone else. I especially despise those problems that I have no control over; they leave me feeling irritated and helpless.

When my children suffer, I want to consume their hurt and do so by tormenting myself with worry.

How is worrying helping my children? It isn’t.

What if I don’t worry, does that mean I don’t love them, or I have no consciousness or I am bad mother? This applies to anyone we care about

If worrying is not helpful, then what is?

What about taking the view that problems are imperative for growth, without them we get stuck.

Instead of taking the problem and fueling it with your negative thoughts and concerns, why not face the problem head on, accepting it as it is.

Nothing more, nothing less, it’s a problem. Don’t ignore or obsess over it.

All problems have solutions; solutions develop only out of positive/creative energy.

Obsessive worrying will only perpetuate the problem – think about this, negative thoughts create negative energy leaving the problem without a solution.

Perhaps this gives shape to our current challenges. To reframe our poisonous negative thinking twisting it around and view it from a more life enhancing approach to life and those you love.

So what’s the problem?

There is no problem.

It is a gift for growth.

Sticking with it

stickingSticking with it

Do you ever question, whether you should keep persevering or give up?

It could be anything… your job, exercising, writing, painting, losing weight, meditating, reading, nurturing a relationship, cleaning your bathroom…maybe life itself.

The list is endless.

Most of us start out bursting with enthusiasm when we decide to set a challenge for ourselves; it appears doable at the time.

Then the energy begins to vacillate, rocking between keeping going or stopping.

This is the point when the mind dominates the decision. The mind steps in with its ‘know it all attitude’; ready to deconstruct what you have accomplished thus far.

Minds are powerful, dictators who hover like vultures until enthusiasm diminishes.

See, the mind cannot compete easily with passion, so it waits to pounce when the excitement depletes, this is when you are the most vulnerable for giving up.

You can recall an instance when you were exercising, perhaps holding a plank, and when it became uncomfortable you collapsed to the ground.

I would venture to guess, you could have held it a little longer, but Mr. Mind caught you in a vulnerable state and convinced you to give up.

There is a bully in your mind; he does not want you to succeed, if you succeed then he can’t control you, he loses footing.

He is set on maintaining the status quo, growth and exploration threatens the minds position. It sounds like I am describing a cartoon, though the mind has a role, and that role is to keep you out of harms way, a change of routine places you in a precarious state called, the unknown.

The mind dislikes the unknown.

How then do you stick with something that is creating such friction in the mind?

The answer is simple.

Listen into your body it will guide you – the area just below your naval, the naval centre, this is the centre of your being, soul whatever you want to call it.

When you notice that you are falling off the wagon and that you are close to or have given up.

Stop!

Dig deep into your naval centre and ask for help.

Understand, the body wants and knows what is best for you. What you are capable of. When to stop and when to continue on.

Next time your enthusiasm wanes, breathe deep into your heart and ask your body to inform you when it is time. Wait for answer to emerge.

Try my Self Enquiry Technique (SET). It goes like this:

  1. Pause – breathe into your heart space with one deep breath.
  2. Ask – the body “Help me decide”
  3. Wait – ,allow the question to sink deep
  4. Listen – the answer will arise from within.
RJMindbody

RJMindbody