Month: September 2015

Enough

enoughAre you enough?

What do I mean by enough?

Our society expects that we keep improving ourselves, whether it is on the job, as a parent, self-improvement, our appearance, and within our relationships.

Are we brainwashed by society to never be at peace with our lives or is it a human trait?

I consider it is both, our economy depends on wanting more and humans are innately meant to grow.

The dilemma is not the growing; it is the obsessive need for more, whether it is material things, self- worth, beauty, or love.

Obsessive is the crucial word.

There is nothing wrong with striving for something more, it is the fixation with the idea that even when you attain your goal, there is more to achieve, where does it stop.

What if enough is never enough?

If enough is never enough, you will never be content and in a chronic state of stress. Is this what you want? Yet, like most us we need to expand our horizons.

This tight rope between growth and acceptance of self is a serious and shared quandary that affects many.

How then can you balance the two and still believe you are enough?

It is about being full present. In the present moment there is no need for improvement, everything is okay as it is. Only in the here and now can you feel complete.

From a place of wholeness, growth materializes, future possibilities appear, and creativity sparks.

Try my Self Acceptance Technique (SAT) on how to reach a state of enough:

  1. Sit quietly, close your eyes and take some deep breaths.
  2. Inhale “I am”
  3. Exhale “enough”
  4. Repeat this breathing sequence x10
  5. Then sit for a few moments with whatever feelings and sensations come up for you.
  6. Experience what it feels like to be present and fully accepting where and who you are at this moment.
  7. Slowly open your eyes and continue on with your day.
  8. Each time you begin question your “enoughness” then repeat this sequence.

From enoughness, a world you may have never imagined begins to emerge.

What’s your challenge?

Starting1What’s your challenge?

Even starting is a challenge.

Ask yourself, how you feel before starting a new challenge?

It’s the feelings that interfere with the starting process.

While attending a Cycling class this past week, the instructor, asked the class “how do you feel?” his regular students systematically consented the word “good!”

Me, not sure!

At the start of the class I kept quiet, head down, peddling away. Feeling a little tired, agitated and cynical, keeping an ever-watchful eye on the exit.

My feelings were quite different at the beginning from the middle and the end of the class.

In the middle of the session, with my heart racing, my mood began to shift, I felt more positive consumed by a boost of energy, I began to join the class’s exuberant James Brown chants repeating, “I feel good!’’

At the end, with energy levels soaring, high on adrenalin, I was buzzing, a feeling which lasted all day, even in my yoga session that evening.

But what if I had decided not to take that class or left early?

I would have missed out on that feeling.

It continues to amaze me how before I start a new challenge, be it an exercise class, cooking a meal, teaching a yoga class, going out or sometimes just starting the day, I have to overcome my feelings: perhaps a little anxious, daunted or slightly heavy.

Starting a new task or challenge, is often made difficult because of our feelings which hold us back

Feelings provide the brakes to starting a new challenge, they can prevent us starting a new challenge.

It’s all too easy to pay attention to the feelings at the starting point, even though they do not reflect how you will feel in the middle, and especially at the end.

I suppose it is similar to starting the week, Mondays rarely feel like Fridays, in fact each day has its own feeling.

When you can see ahead, how you are likely to feel at the end, it motivates you to start a new challenge.

Once you start, ride the feelings wave, and acknowledge all the feelings along the way, but you do need to start. On top of the wave you will catch sight of what is ahead, those feelings of exhilaration and the momentum will drive you forward.

Your heart will race; an excitement infused with nervousness but it will be worth it.

Get started.

Challenge yourself!

Decision

decision1Decision – Right or Wrong?

Make your decision right

Life leads us through a rollercoaster of twists and turns, moments of momentum and spirals of uncertainty, as we barrel downwards into what appears to be an abyss and then crawl up again.

Throughout my life, I have made zillions of decisions, most had little significance in the long-term; and then there were those that were life altering. These decisions were the ones that took my family deep into unknown spaces.

How often I second-guessed some of my decisions, I have lost count.

My son was due to return to London, having completed a project in India when he ‘conveniently’ missed his flight home. For days I received his texts expressing his anguish over his decision to remain in India.

Looking for guidance on his decision my words of advice were, “Then go out and make your decision right”.

Initially, these words offered little consolation for his suffering; he was in the depths of despair.

Then it hit him. He had made the decision, and it was done. He wiped away his tears and got up, and got on with it.

Now, I am great believer in giving yourself a ‘pity party’, get angry, stamp your feet, whine “why me”, be a victim, make apologies. But, then do not let the party go on for too long. Stop the pity party!

Then go out and ‘make it right’! Turn it around, channel your anger and frustration into something productive.

In my case moving to England was my decision; it took me a little longer than my son to buy into this idea. I have had multiple pity parties, there are still days, I start the party, but they are short lived. They fizzle out and I get on with it.

It’s all too easy to dwell in the pity party state. To wrestle with anguish about a decision, to beat yourself up and just get stuck. But I ask does this help us in the long run?

No certainly not.

We need to acknowledge the decision, however difficult, face it head on and MAKE IT RIGHT.

It is up to you, no one else

Energisers and Depleters

energiser1Energisers and Depleters?

You have a choice.

Are the people you surround yourself with energisers or depleters? Do they energise or deplete you?

Ask yourself this important question today and sift through your relationships to identify the energisers and depleters.

First enquire internally. A person in tune with their emotions and body’s sense can detect other’s energetic fields. Depending on the strength of the energy, it can be quite subtle or blatantly obvious.

I recall years ago having a friend who exuded anger, nothing made her happy. I considered her one of my closest friends, I stuck by her, hoping that with my love and support, she would begin to see the world through rosier glasses.

What I did not know at the time, while I was supporting her, I was becoming depleted. After each encounter, I felt numb and would need to rest. This old friend was zapping me of my own vitality.

After a few years, I decided to sever our relationship. It sounds harsh, though she was moving into the hurtful zone of lashing out and denigrating others.

Severing a relationship, especially when it comes to family, old friends or lovers, is one of the most difficult things to do. Yet, there are times it is necessary for your own salvation.

You may decide not to sever a relationship entirely, but to distance yourself, by setting boundaries.

If you identify a person as a depleter, that is, they drain you on a consistent basis, you may need to re-evaluate that relationship. Remember the word consistent, everyone has periods of moodiness for a variety of reasons.

The solution is to create a support system, which consists of energisers; those people who make you feel good, inspire and motivate you. They lift you up.

Because our external world reflects our inner world, and vice versa, it is imperative to examine your external world and the choices we make of the people we surround ourselves with.

Start with the question, then allow yourself time to reflect upon your relationships and how they impact your inner and outer world.

Remember you are in charge of who you surround yourself with.

You have a choice!

RJMindbody

RJMindbody