Month: November 2014

Taming the chaos

Taming the chaosCan you find calm in the midst of chaos?

The first step is to accept the chaos to find the calm.

Let’s be honest, life is full on, especially if you are juggling a job, family responsiblities and keeping up with the pace of change in our lives. Taming the chaos sounds impossible!

Striving for complete calm in the midst of chaos only results in frustration and a feeling of being overwhelmed.

What if you embrace the chaos, accept that this is part of your life, and then seek calm within that chaos?

Then life would be easier. There would be less of a struggle between the extremes of chaos and calm.

A life, which is, vibrant, rich and poignant, is one which opens its arms to both, chaos and calm.

When I was in the midst of raising my children, there was no doubt, I had little time to breathe.

I was still able to carve out moments of calm with my needlework, reading, exercise and Sunday afternoon naps.

These moments of calm rejuvenate you, preventing burning out.

Chaos is really just a state of mind, we create much of it in our heads by thinking of things that still need to be done.

You add extra tasks, creating unnecessary additional chaos. And so it goes.

But real life chaos is manageable.

It’s the chaos created in our mind, that leaves us feeling depleted.

Acceptance of the real chaos is the first step.

Then there is space for calm.

How do you carve out calm in midst of your chaos?

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Is everlasting love possible?

love

What is love?

Is everlasting love possible?

Why do loving relationships wither?

In my 17th year, my parents announced that they were going to divorce.

I recall wondering;

How can two people love one another, and then stop loving?

I was determined to prove them wrong.

I married, and loved, for many years, then for me too, it was over.

I found myself revisiting that same question, all over again.

This time with more questions;

So

If you truly love someone, does it last for a life time?

If it doesn’t last, then perhaps, it wasn’t love to begin with.

I am a hopeless romantic, and believe there is such a thing as a love, so deep, that you would risk it all to protect it.

A love that is fuelled by desire and passion.

Yet, I still wrestle with the question from aged 17:

How can two people love one another, and then stop loving?

I believe many of us are searching for the same answer

As you walkaway from a relationship, or look at the person you fell in love with years ago or enter into a new relationship.

Is everlasting love possible?

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Be yourself

shoes
Be yourself

I just celebrated another birthday, my gift to myself is to ‘be myself’, nobody else, just me.

I’m determined to wear my new shoes – also a birthday gift!

It actually feels a little narcissistic, to talk about wanting to be me.

For much of my life, I have lived in the shadows of others, slipping into the shoes of others.

Comparing… relying on other’s opinions… second guessing my own decisions… worrying about what people are thinking of me… sleepless nights of having said something really stupid…

Can you relate to this?

Are you being authentic to yourself?

We spend countless hours worrying about what we said or have done. Surely these are wasted moments in a precious life?

Why?

Those sinister, worry riddled, scenarios created in the head, are rarely viewed in the same way by others.

Now it is time to get real with yourself, to be authentic.

When you are you… without masks… honest… goofy… loud… quiet… wrinkly… grumpy… just yourself,

you are happy. Period!

People love you because of you.

Then you can love other’s more.

It’s tempting to slip back into the shoes of others, when they are not the shoes you want.

Too easy to slip back, so decide for yourself

Are you ready to wear your new shoes?

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What is Mindfulness?

bemindfulMindfulness seems to be appearing everywhere – on my way to the gym, a sign reminded me to be mindful as I walk across a potentially slippery bridge.

Mind the Gap is another one with out the “ful” at the end.

There is mindfulness meditation… not sure what is the difference between other forms of meditation, and…

Then there is mindfulness eating… giving a raisin your full attention without any distractions… like reading, watching the TV, pursuing the internet or talking.

There is Mindfulness walking… taking one step at a time… with a deliberate focus on the feet.

This mindful thing is confusing… is the mind ‘full’ or does it mean your ‘full’ attention is on your mind.

It has become a popular thing to say, especially when we are stressed.

So what is this mindfulness thing?

As I chatted with my exuberant boxing partner today, she describes her multiple injuries and physical limitations. She works hard exercising… running… pushing herself to the limit… Yet her body is screaming…

“STOP”…. “SLOW DOWN”… “GIVE ME A BREAK”… “PAY ATTENTION TO ME”… “LISTEN TO ME”!!!!!!!

These phrases are mindfulness!

They are not difficult to grasp, but what is difficult is that few of us can slow down for long.

What does slowing down mean in a fast pace culture, like the New York or London?

When I suggested to my lovely boxing friend to stretch and hold stretches for 3 minutes or longer… her eyes expressed panic… “I can’t possibly slow down for that long” … ” I get bored easily” …

“My mind keeps racing”

This is precisely why my dear friend needs to practice mindfulness. Her eyes said it all.

When you feel such a strong emotion, when asked to do something that is potentially helpful… then you need to do it!!! Your body is shouting… “I NEED IT”.

In answering the question, “what is this mindfulness thing anyway?”

It means… “STOP”…. “SLOW DOWN”… “GIVE ME A BREAK”… “PAY ATTENTION TO ME”… “LISTEN TO ME”!!!!!!!

Want to know more about being mindful: Sign up to round 2 of the pilot for my online Mindfulness Course

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Frustration

frustrationCoping with frustration

Frustration with the traffic

Frustration with people

Frustration with family

Frustration with technology

Frustration with the weather

Frustration with ourselves

Do you ever feel frustrated?

You can probably guess, I am feeling a little frustrated today.

I am aware of a situation in which nobody steps up to address the problem. Can you recognise this in your own life?

It involves the fear of confrontation, where everyone is afraid of facing up to that individual. By not being honest with them, especially those we are close to, it eats away at the relationship and ourselves. We are not being true to ourselves.

This impacts everyone, perpetuates the problem and accentuates the frustration.

Frustration lets us know that something is irking us, whether it is in our head or not.

Pay attention to it… find where in your body it is being felt… and breathe… and breathe…. oh, yes, did I say breathe?

My frustration is just above my belly and is creeping up toward my head… as I breathe the feeling is slowly diminishing in intensity.

With this simple mindfulness technique of Checking In, I have created distance from what was upsetting me and can more objectively understand what triggered this frustration.

I have returned to calmness, now I can rationally address the upset without overreacting and making impulsive decisions.

Here’s my tip on how to deal with disturbing emotions, including our frustrations.

Stop… listen in to your body… and breathe… keep repeating the cycle until the feeling softens.

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RJMindbody

RJMindbody