Who are you?

Apr 21, 2018

Who are you?

Who are you?Who are you to make me feel small and humiliated?

Who are you to tell me how to live my life?

Who are you to know better?

I don’t understand, how you know how, and I don’t?

Why do I believe you in the first place?

Allowing you to make me feel small when I am unsure if you actually know.

Stepping back, with reddened eyes, drained from the shame.

Who are you?

Are you wiser than me?

If so how?

Why do I take your words as gold, and mine as muddy brown?

Who are you?

My mouth frozen, the gaze of my eyes lowered towards my knees.

Shoulders drooping with humiliation.

While you stand tall and broad, voice booming with confidence.

You must know, as I creep into myself.

Looking for a hiding place, a place to crawl into to get away.

Who do you think you are?

Take a Pause: Blowing out Shame

We have all faced a situation when someone makes you feel like this.

This is when our little child comes alive.

Carrying the burden of shame.

Whether it was a teacher, parent, a peer or a stranger, shame sticks to us like glue.

These memories are more vivid than any others.

The time you stood up in front of a class frozen like a statue or when laughed at for giving the wrong answer.

At those moments your voice shut down, and the urge to run was paramount.

Years later, you continue to carry this shame.

Triggered out of nowhere.

Try something different next time

Notice the feeling and where in your body you feel it. Are you sickened, flushed, sweaty, tired?

Take deep breaths and blow the shame out, just as if you are blowing out candles on your birthday cake.

Blow out the shame.

Sit tall, eyes gazing forward, and feet planted firmly on the ground.

Ask the question,

Who are you?

More like this, try reading Without Guilt
or Without Fear

Apr 15, 2018

That Voice

the voiceThat voice

A voice that hijacked my self-worth and happiness.

Somewhere back in time a little voice whispered in my ear;

You are not good enough, pretty or handsome enough, a loser, and not lovable.

This whisper left an indelible mark hidden away, seemingly real, but so far from the truth.

As a baby none of those phrases could possibly be true, a baby is beautiful, lovable and enough.

Where did that voice come from? Mom, dad, brother or sister? Possibly grandma, grandpa or aunty?

A voice that spoke with conviction that your perfection does not exist and your lovability and beauty wither away with age.

You take those words on board as if they are your own.

The media confirms your lack; lack of physical perfection and lack of success.

Of course, I am none of these, my legs are too big, my belly is soft, and I am not wealthy or excessively talented.

That voice that spoke so long ago was indeed correct, look around at everyone else, look at those photos on Instagram or the Facebook posts.

According to them, my world is lonely and forlorn.

My legs, my face is dusted with lines and mottled with spots.

It is true I am no beauty, I am not lovable and am just alright.

Yet, who dropped those words into my tiny body, I would like to know?

Because of that elusive voice, I became those words.

I believed those words as truth.

Now, I am unsure, as I look at a tiny baby, with perfect feet and hands, skin soft and flawless and a coo that melts the heart, those words are farthest from the truth.

The truth is that you are good enough, you are beautiful, and you are lovable.

Take a pause: Speak the truth

Our truth is that we are enough, we are lovable, and we are perfect as we are.

Take a pause and take a deep breath.

Breathe in – say “I am”

Breathe out – say “enough”, “beautiful”, “perfect”, and “lovable”

Create new words; the truth.

discover more about mindfulness last chance to book on my acclaimed mindfulness course starting this week – more

Apr 9, 2018

Trapped by Guilt

trapped by guiltAre you trappped by guilt?

Feeling the need to please people?

If you don’t you feel guilty?

Your conscience shouts “it is all about you?”.

What if you give in and please them?

Choosing to please seems like the right thing, it diminishes guilt, or so it seems.

However, guilt persists because deep within you, you wish you hadn’t agreed.

You can’t win.

How many times a day do you experience guilt?

I have to admit guilt is my nemesis, is it yours?

Guilt that you are not doing enough?

Or should be more kind?

Possibly having negative thoughts about the person?

Guilt is essentially a toxin, akin to inhaling smoke or eating McDonalds.

Though guilt, as all emotions, is invisible, which makes it more dangerous.

Whereas food and smoke eventually are eliminated from your system, guilt remains tucked inside you, waiting to pounce.

Guilt is one of the most destructive emotions in our bodies.

Triggering inflammation, disease, mental disorders, and addictions.

You may be apprehensive to let it go, convinced it keeps you on the straight and narrow, or that it motivates you.

Though trust me, it does neither of these things.

Guilt is all about beating yourself up it is not concerned with motivation or compassion.

It is the dagger that haunts you and inflicts endless hours of pain.

Whether you accept the invitation or not, notice how you feel.

Do not make choices based on guilt.

Take a pause: Observe guilt

Notice where in your body you feel it.

Is your body resisting?

Are you getting angry, anxious, or nauseous?

Acknowledge it’s there.

Take a deep breath in and out.

Let it go

Let guilt float out of your body.

Make decisions without guilt’s intrusion.

Find out how to deal with guilt with my Mindfulness course starting 16th April – last few places – book here now !

Apr 1, 2018

Got a problem?

Got a problem?Got a problem that needs solving?

Have you been racking your brain for answers and nothing seems right?

Problems are the constant in our lives.

A young man, Tom (not his real name) a very talented, struggling artist, lives in one of the most expensive cities in the world.

His dilemma is whether to stick it out as an artist or get a secure job.

Ideas flood in from people, some innovative and some typical.

What if Tom approached the problem from a different angle, rather than look for the answers outside of himself?

Instead look inside, at the feelings behind the problem.

Asking, “how do I feel about not being financially secure?” or “not having a consistent pay check?”

Chances are he is “scared” of being poor, homeless, and hungry?

Or angry that the very thing he loves and is talented at he can’t make a reasonable living.

Or “prideful” and “resentful”, I am really good at art, it isn’t fair!

Apathetic, losing drive and stamina.

Full of “shame” for not “making it” or guilty “for letting people’s perception of him down” if he were to throw in the towel.

These emotions are survival-based emotions (low level) wired in all animals, particularly primates.

Low level emotions are what keep us on our toes, afraid and hyper alert.

Ideal when we are living in the forests, or in poverty, or in a war-torn country.

Not so helpful for most of us, in fact these emotions drain our energy for thriving, retaining us in survival mode.

“Take a pause”

Don’t look for a solution to the problem, don’t move beyond the feeling.

If scared, acknowledge I am scared to death, sit with the fear and let it go.

If angry, guilty, shameful, apathetic recognise them, see them for what they are, feelings that are trying to keep you safe and secure.

Once you hold them up, notice how these very emotions that are supposed to safeguard you are sabotaging your life’s dreams, whispering potential failures in your ears, and are the actual problem.

The outcome is more energy, a new perspective and confidence.

Tom is the captain of his ship, if he avoids the feelings behind the emotions they don’t go away, stuck in repeat mode.

Surrendering to the feelings underlying the problem diminishes the negative spiral, and eventually removes the blocks that keep you from thriving.

Take a pause

What are the feelings behind the problem?

Don’t analyse, rationalise, deny, repress, simply attend to the emotions

Acknowledge and let them go.

Repeat, Repeat, until you are free

Learn about mindfulness – join me on my next Mindfulness Course in London starting 16th April more details

You might be also insterested in “How to Cultivate Joy” or “Looking for

Mar 24, 2018

Blame

BlameThe Blame Game

Are you destroying your relationships and happiness by blaming?

We all play the blame game.

Even if you deny you do it, you do it.

Leaders of countries blame other leaders.

People blame their bosses, loved ones blame each other.

All the way down to the child accusing his sister of hiding his lollipop.

We all point our fingers in the direction of others.

Triggering the good feeling hormones which puff us up.

If we had feathers our bodies would appear twice the size.

Humans stand taller, lean closer and feel more superior.

Simply stated blaming feels good, our evolutionary survival instinct.

For that moment in time, we are the ones who are right, we hold the dominant position.

Until the good feeling hormone dissipates.

Learn about mindfulness – join me on my next Mindfulness Course in London starting 16th April more details

The downside to the blame game is a good feeling lasts for only so long.

As quickly as it came you feel bad again, needing another fix.

It’s referred to as a game because you have to keep playing to sustain your superior position.

Eventually, it stops making you feel good, you get tired, others avoid you.

Blaming harms, both the perpetrators and the victims.

Instead, try turning the finger towards yourself and place your hand on your heart.

Take a pause and look at yourself.

Watch what you are about to do.

Despite your strong conviction that you are right, and your opinion trumps theirs, don’t react to the flood of hormones surging through your body.

Pause and stop the automatic reaction.

Do something completely out of character, walk away, keep your mouth closed or chew on a pencil.

Once the moment passes, notice the fleeting high of being right, is replaced by a blanket of peace and calm.

Mar 18, 2018

Remembering when

RememberingThat was then

How often do you look back and feel sad?

Remembering what was.

Knowing you could never go back, if you could it wouldn’t be the same.

Life is filled with those memories.

Photos portraying happy times, small children, wedding vows.

Hanging out with friends, being a child, laughing out loud.

That was then.

Why do past memories conjure up feelings of sadness, should it not be joy.

Joy that you had those times, joy that they are tucked away never to be forgotten.

At any point, you can reach down and pull it back up.

It seems ridiculous that such a happy time makes us sad.

It makes us sad because it is gone, never to happen again.

But remember those times were once now.

Soon you will be reminiscing about the now moments, wishing them back.

Those old photos are still with you, simply by looking at them brings them back.

Our mind does not let go of these memories, despite being past it can still bring you laughter and joy.

Is the past really gone forever?

I think not.

Then, Now and Future occur simultaneously.

Past takes a step to the side, creating space for now and future is waiting on the sideline to become present.

Memories don’t need to be sad or lost forever, they are patiently waiting to be remembered.

It is the grasping to not forget or the desire to relive the memory that makes us sad, otherwise, it would fill us with pure joy.

Let go of the grasping and see how good you feel.

Take a Pause Meditation: Letting go of grasping

Take a pause

Close your eyes

Recall a happy event in your life.

Notice what feelings come up for you: sadness, happiness, grief, longing, joy.

Most likely a mixture of all of these.

Longing to have the days back.

Happy that they happened.

Sad because you are older, they are older.

Whatever you feel, feel it fully, acknowledge it.

Don’t allow yourself to explain away the feeling, that you shouldn’t be feeling this or why you are feeling it.

Simply notice the feeling.

Take 3 deep breaths and let the sadness go with the exhale and draw joy and happiness in with the inhale.

Repeat as often as necessary until the sadness is replaced by joy.

Discover more about mindfulness – join my next Mindfulness Course in London starting 16th April more details

Mar 10, 2018

Looking for?

Looking for What are you looking for? 

Do you feel lost, confused, out of ideas? 

Do you really know what it is and how to find it?  

None of us is handed a manual at birth. 

Or a master plan of who we will become or fall in love with. 

Life is a hit or miss shit show.  

An obstacle course veering on and off roads, those more travelled and some less travelled.  

All we know is the world we were thrown into. 

None of us chose any of this. 

Despite it, we all plod on, day in and day out. 

Lumbering through mazes, looking for what? 

What are you looking for? 

How would you answer this question? 

Would your answer be smeared by the expectations of others? 

Or are they your words? 

Do you even know what it is you want? 

Rather than immediately searching for ideas, take a pause. 

Our brain only holds onto memories, the things you already know, the experiences you have already had. 

If you are looking for something new, something fresh.  

Take look at my Recipe: 

Recipe: What Am I Looking for Exercise 

Pause and place your hand on your heart. 

Ask the question, “What am I looking for?” 

Wait, do not seek out the answer in your head. 

The answer will come from the most unusual places; as you are walking, perusing the web, speaking to someone or simply sitting. 

There will be an ache in your belly or a twinge in your heart that will answer the question. 

It might be in form of a word or feeling or an image. 

It may take seconds, hours, or days.  

Keep asking without resorting to the remembrances of the past. 

Eventually, you will find what you are looking for.   

To help in your search do join me for my next Mindfulness Meditation Course starting 16th April Monday evenings for 8 sessions – only 8 places in total

Reserve your place here

Mar 3, 2018

Emotions gone wild

emotionsDo your emotions ever run wild?

Surge through your body like a freight train out of control.

Perhaps you are angry, your jaw and fists tense, you either yell or keep quiet.

Or without warning fear envelops your body, clutching hold of your belly, speeding your heartbeat, incapacitating your speech.

Guilt and shame mosey their way in trapping themselves in your shoulders and neck.

We have all been there.

Moods that swing like monkeys.

Times when we are down in the dumps.

So anxious we would rather choose death over living (hint: public speaking).

Bored, desperately seeking an escape.

Who would have thought emotions had such power and pain?

Our bodies absorb and bury emotions like a sponge.

Organs, muscles, bones and cells fall victim to dis-ease.

These emotions get trapped and toxic because most likely you a deal with them by either:

Repressing: Let me push it away for now.

Denying: I am not feeling that.

Express: Yell or share with someone your feeling; this gives the emotion more power.

Wait!!!

Before throwing in the towel of utter despair.

There is something you can do instead!

Learn more about mastering your emotions with my Mindfulness Course staring April 16th – only 8 places

Recipe: Letting Go Exercise

Acknowledge:” I am feeling anxious or _______.”

Sit with it: “I am feeling anxious in my belly and chest”, “it is ok”, “take a deep breath”, once the feeling begins to lose its grip and power.

Let Go: Take a deep breath in say “Let” and breath out, say “Go”.

Seems too easy or good to be true?

Trust me it works!

Do this with all those distressing emotions.

Freeing up space for joy, love and peace.

Join me for my next Mindfulness Course starting April 16th

Reserve you place 

Feb 24, 2018

Annoying people?

Annoying peopleDo you have annoying people in your life? They irritate you, frustrate you, their actions get to you, driving you crazy?

Annoyances are everywhere.

Shifting moods in a matter of seconds.

Making you frustrated, angry, or pull your hair out.

Those who are rude and inconsiderate.

Annoying you with their loud, obnoxious voices.

Know it all’s and some who seem to have it all together, boy are they annoying.

The ones who like to strut like roosters showing off their looks and coiffed hair?

They get me all the time.

How about the ones who don’t listen and those who are always late?

The world is filled with annoyances, beginning with the alarm clock.

Moving onto to the bus, which is always chock full annoying people.

Those with runny noses, coughs, screaming kids, smelly armpits, greasy hair.

Racing to the office, slow people in front of you, security at the door, long queues, once in you are faced with a team of annoying people and customers.

All day annoyances, going home, repeat.

Annoyances are everywhere, there is no way of avoiding them.

All we can do is turn towards ourselves.

Let’s look at ourselves, we too can be annoying, ask your friends, family and colleagues.

When annoyed, it is about us, not others.

If our inner world was relaxed and calm, no one could annoy you.

Inner calmness equals outer calmness, nothing can touch you.

No, nothing can touch you, the ranting customer on the other end of the phone cannot touch you.

Neither can your friend who cancelled for the hundredth time.

You are invincible because inside you are calm.

Annoyances are our opportunities to cultivate calm and patience.

If there were no annoyances?

If everything was peaches and cream, there would be no need to develop the art of being calm and patient?

Annoyances and particularly annoying people are your teachers, they rub and irritate you until the choice is yours to blow up or breathe deeply and remain calm.

Recipe: 3 Calming Steps

This exercise is practised when faced with an annoyance.

  1. Take a deep breath, remain quiet, do not react.
  2. Notice the angry feelings bubble up, breathe deeply again.
  3. Repeat silently, “I am relaxed or calm”.

Be proud of yourself you have now broken the automatic pattern of reacting.

Good on you!

To learn more about mindful techniques join my April start mindfulness course details here

 

Feb 17, 2018

Touch and go

Touch & GoInstinctually we are in a constant state of survival. Touch and go can help.

Trying to stay alive, not a battlefield kind of staying alive, but the jockeying for positions in our jobs, homes and social lives.

Making money, finding that perfect mate, going out on Friday night.

All in the name of survival.

A Friday night alone for some can feel desperate and lonely.

Not having enough money can make you feel you are on the brink of losing it all.

Living alone without finding that ideal partner may leave you wondering about your worth and lovability.

All in the name of our wiring, deep within our Reptilian brain, signalling threats and warnings for survival’s sake.

Stop for a moment and take a deep breath, notice how for that second, you are no longer uptight or nervous, all you are experiencing is that breath.

You feel alive.

Or perhaps sitting down for the first time after a long day, placing that warm drink to your mouth, you feel alive.

Then your mind rabbits on again about what you need to do or what you should have done.

Touch & Go is a technique of keeping you in the moment, simply by touching the thought or feeling as you would your Oyster or bank card, and letting it go takes you out of that survival, hamster wheel way of living.

Using Touch & Go removes the upset and the obsession with your feelings and thoughts

Instead of a lonely, agonizing Friday night, of rehashing in your mind how miserable and unloved you are, you will simply Touch the feelings and thoughts, give it a second of your attention and let it Go.

That  ‘woe is me’ moment when your mind takes you on a slippery slope into how happy their lives are just perfect, now Touch the thoughts and jealousy and let it Go.

How alive do you feel now, no longer just surviving?

You are indeed alive.

 

Recipe: Touch & Go Exercise

Any emotion or thought that occurs, whether it is one you wish to keep or not, Touch and Let it go.

This is going with the flow.

When you are happy, Touch it and let it go.

Good feelings are the most challenging since we want to keep these feelings alive as long as we can, though by grasping the initial good feeling it will change no matter how what and will often transform into anxiety or sadness.

The Touch is your awareness of your feeling or thought and the Going is remaining open for the next experience.

Try this exercise and see how quickly your mood can lift when down and content you will be just going with the flow.

Improve your understanding of Mindfulness techniques like this through my next Mindfulness Course starting April 16th – details here

RJMindbody

RJMindbody